SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks all for your messages... It has been hard to read, it took time to digest, but it has really been a wake up call.

How I was always thinking about me, what I wanted, how I knew what was best for me and eventually for him.

But no more! It is all about him now. Lastly during a "down" evening he asked me to move out, as he deserved better than me. I fought to convince him I should stay, as I fight for our M and R, but if this come up again, I will move out for him to be happy. Which I would have never considered before, as I didn't want it.

I keep on reading a lot of inspirational posts here mainly from BS, as well as books (not just friends, how to help your spouse..., as you suggested! Thanks again!!). I also go to another therapist for IC next week (first one didn't really help). It really opens my eyes, seeing things from a different perspective and "getting" his insights and feelings. I am working my a$$ out to make it work for both of us, and continue to do so for the rest of our lives (which I hope together!!)

Iwanttosurvive,

A simple declaration of it all about him isn't going to do this. You have signed up to 5 years of heavy lifting.

Healing your BS will be more than reading books, visiting websites, and going to IC.

It's going to take major sustained effort.

I suggest you go read the "just found out" forum. You aren't allowed to post but go in and read the pain, the betrayal, this will give you a small amount of insight of what you did to your husband.

Get the McDonald book. It's a quick read but it isn't a quick solution. This is going to be a lifetime repair.

Then get "not just friends" this will help you with establishing boundaries.

It's great that you're going to another IC and read the books suggested, but what are you doing for your BH to help him?

I'm still seeing a lot of "I" in your post which leads me to believe it's still all about you.

@remorsefulww : of course it is all about me... doing all I can to make it work! I re-read my post and still don't see it as self centered. All I talk about are all the efforts I am doing to make it all about him and make him feel better.

This is and will always be a constant and permanent effort for me to make it work for him, and I am 200% ready for it. Detect when he has a down time and be there to talk to him and reassure him. Walk in his shoes, trying to feel what he feels and wondering what he wants without even talking, so he can be happy. Saying over and over how sorry I am, showing him proof how remorseful I am, how changed I am as well (or at least heading to the right direction), how now it not about me anymore. He will always be first now, whatever the consequences for me.

I don't get upset when he says I have been a whore during all these months, and will always be actually, how he deserves better than me. I don't feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry for him, because I know all of this is true. He is such a great guy, I am so low.

He has every right to walk away when he wants. And if the best thing to do in order to show him it is all about him now is to leave or let him go, I will.

But he is still there with me, and the best thing I can do now is making each day count for him, showing him how happy I am to make him happy, how lucky I am he is still there and getting a second chance to make it much much better...