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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 12:10 AM on Friday, May 27th, 2016
Ah, didn't catch that you were not in the states. Well, I am damned glad that you're not dependent upon him financially. All the more reason to cut yourself free from the loser. And frankly, him rolling over and telling you that there's no way that your relationship can be fixed now, is cheater-speak for I'm going to give you the chance to panic as I pretend to draw away, so that you'll just sweep all of this under the rug and allow me to continue on as I want to, while you do the Pick Me Pick Me dance and try to ignore the filth that I drag home.
Good on you for not buying into that sick scenario!
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Nat8704 (original poster new member #53377) posted at 3:40 AM on Friday, May 27th, 2016
Yep, Skan. I'm an Argentinian teacher of English, also a writer (probably too successful to his liking). I guess he might be the one wanting to stay for the other spouse's income in this case.
We had separated once (in 2012) because the relationship was getting quite toxic, he had been very mean to me (can't filter the things he says). He wanted to stay friends, he was a good one, eventually a friend with benefits... eventually it was as if we were dating again. As I wasn't doing too well financially at the time, I rushed into moving in with him again. Shouldn't have... though I'm glad we gave the relationship another try.
He wasn't as mean to me, but as I he didn't know how to communicate without hurting me, he didn't communicate his frustrations and started growing distant. Eventually he fell out of love with me, and fell in love with this girl. Today I got him to confess he was in love with her and thought he didn't love me anymore. He's realised he didn't know he still had feelings for me, he was stupid. But... he still loves the babysitter anyway.
We're in talking terms, but needs to keep his distance and we've agreed separating is the best course of action. He might have hopes of getting me back, Idk. I won't let him.
Me (BS): 29
Him (WH): 30
M: 30/01/2010
A niece in custody (mine). No children of our own.
DDay: 5/21/2016
heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 3:55 AM on Friday, May 27th, 2016
Nat, I'm worried about your safety. I assume you are a little bit too? The puppy...
Can you work through the thought exercise of "what if I packed up and left right NOW?"
Could you find a place to rent for you and niece? If so, why not just bail out as soon as you can and leave him to the place you are in with the expiring contract. Please research other places on the market right now you could move into right away.
Guys like him who are conflicted often lash out because they can't handle the internal stress once their cake eating ends and the bakery closes. 
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
Nat8704 (original poster new member #53377) posted at 4:06 AM on Friday, May 27th, 2016
Right now he's been holding it together. And I'm looking for a house but haven't found what I need. Neither of us have anywhere to go right now. Not in this town. Saturday's newspaper will have more rent offers. I might be able to leave next week. I need a place where dogs are allowed. 80-90% landlords in my town won't accept big dogs and about 40% won't want people with children. I also want a place downtown as I have to Walk daily or take cabs, thing I prefer not to spend money on for the time being. If things get rough, I'll see how I handle it. But I won't let him get violent ever again.
Me (BS): 29
Him (WH): 30
M: 30/01/2010
A niece in custody (mine). No children of our own.
DDay: 5/21/2016
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