SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Absolutely speak to an attorney. Having assets and children and being a man in the world today you have three strikes against you and the courts don't care, they'll take all your money in the name of the children and give it to her plus maybe alimony. An at fault divorce would do better to protect some of your assets.

Cheaters lie and they get better at it if they think they're getting away with it. Who says she doesn't skip the gym but show up first and leave her phone in a locker?

Trust is everything to a relationship and minimum I would not go for her ever going to that gym again while the OM is there. I'd also have her agree to having software installed on her phone. Doesn't stop her from getting a burn phone but just adds the extra layer.

Also remember this, unless you have evidence, if she's faced with her standard of living and a loss of some part of custody of children, (cheaters lie) she could paint you out to be a stalker who accuses her wrongly of infidelity and file a restraining order against you with both her and the children. What would a woman do to keep custody of her children and keep an income?

An good attorney could help you navigate this stuff. My state is a 1 party state meaning as long as 1 party consents you can record secretly. I have hours of recordings with my spouse discussing abuse (or lack therof) etc in how I treat her and the children. She doesn't know it and I had a friend ask her via text and they saved the conversation. I'm sure in court some of it could be thrown out for some crazy reason but I have enough that it would cause serious doubt with the judge especially since my wife was with a 2x convicted child molester.

Just remember that this woman is no longer the woman you have built a trust with. She is a completely different person and you either have to RE-LEARN to trust her and get to know the new woman or leave her.

IMHO cheating is like chicken blood to a dog. Once a dog tastes the blood it creates a thirst and desire thats almost impossible to quench.

My thought is I have enough evidence but I do like the idea of calling the OM and saying WS has come clean and I am outside his wife's office and see if he admits it.

I will also get a plan going with an attorney. I'm not going to do a lie detector.

When I confront her, I am going to pose two paths forward:

(1) Tell the Truth and we stay together and work it out - this is what I want

(2) Continue to lie and we're done. Force a home sale, put money in a trust for my disabled child and split whatever's left and figure out custody. I am an entrepreneur so on this path, I plan to stop working so much and making so much - spend time rebuilding my life instead of saving money for the future.

My thought is that a radical shift in her living situation plus destroying our family is pretty good incentive to fess up. Maybe (probably) I am naive but if that doesn't work. I am done with her.

What can I do/say to make it more compelling for her to tell the truth and what can I do/say to get the OM to admit it?

I'm glad you're going to speak to an attorney... be sure to discuss this...

I plan to stop working so much and making so much - spend time rebuilding my life instead of saving money for the future.

In a separation/divorce that is mutual just between you and your spouse without mitigation from the court the above "could" happen. However, if you both cannot come up with a mutually acceptable arrangement for finances and child custody then the court will decide and they will look at the overall income and not just the most recent. What I'm saying is you could ramp down spending more time with your family but the court would leave you on the hook for an income level where it was before... This stuff gets real confusing and real dirty and all is different by state.