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WhatElseToDo ( member #35233) posted at 10:04 PM on Friday, June 2nd, 2017
You don't need a lawyer to file a petition for divorce and once you file in a county/state, barring any extenuating circumstances, it's unlikely that it will awarded for the children to live outside of the state without consent of both parties. File a petition NOW with a parenting plan, even if you have to amend it later.
"Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been"
longforgotten ( member #48997) posted at 3:35 AM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2017
I disagree. A man that represents himself has a fool for a client. Get consultations from the best lawyers in your area. Once they have given you advice, your soon to be ex wife can't use them, It's a conflict of interest. Even if you have to resort to legal aid from the state you need a lawyer to represent you.
Believe this or not, I gave the same advice to my former BIL. I was very much against my sister for what she had done. It's a long story. But if you ask me in Private Message I will relate it.
In recent weeks I have been involved with my brothers problems. They were mad hatters, but she was recently caught with a former lover. I advised my brother to move toward divorce. He came at me with the I can't afford it dodge.
I paid his layer fees, and he is now free of the blameshifting, gaslighting, and has visitation with his kids. Bottom line is... You have to look after yourself and your kids, because a cheating spouse no longer cares. Good fortune to you.
WhatElseToDo ( member #35233) posted at 3:38 AM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2017
longforgotten, I completely agree that no one should represent themselves if they can avoid it. But the OP's reasoning is that he absolutely can't afford it, can't get credit, can't borrow - and he's risking his WW leaving the state with his kids. He's got to do something to keep his kids here.
"Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been"
Drumstick ( member #55013) posted at 4:10 AM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2017
Isittrue619,
You should be able to go to your local county clerk's office and file a temporary protection order precluding your wife from moving minor children out of a limited range and for a limited duration. This will have to be served on your wife. She can violate it... but then you have some more teeth in the divorce proceedings.
Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence - John Adams
longforgotten ( member #48997) posted at 4:46 AM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2017
longforgotten, I completely agree that no one should represent themselves if they can avoid it. But the OP's reasoning is that he absolutely can't afford it, can't get credit, can't borrow - and he's risking his WW leaving the state with his kids. He's got to do something to keep his kids here.
Your preaching to the choir here. If he can't afford an attorney he should look into legal aid, every state has this program, and if he qualifies he can get state representation. I learned this because my sister used this to divorce her husband.
Once he has divorce papers filed she isn't going anywhere. Also I still suggest he get consultations from the best local lawyers, many will consult for free or a very small fee, then his wife can't use them.
If his WW is going to run, the only way to stop her is with the law. He can do it now, or he can do like my EXBIL and fight several months in court. But either way he is going to have to take a stand and fight.
M1965 ( member #57009) posted at 12:46 PM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2017
IIT,
Sorry to see where your wife appears to have been going with this. So much for her telling the counsellor that her 'friendship' was just the same as her relationship with her female friends.
Of your kids, you write:
Unfortunately I do believe if they were asked they would want to live with my wife. They love us both but she has been the constant caregiver for them their entire lives
I would not be so sure of that. You have three teenagers, and they can be pretty independent-minded. Them going with her would depend on them accepting what she has done to you, and if they love their Dad, that is not a minor thing. And then they uproot, and go and live with some new guy they don't know, and who was the reason their Mom collapsed the family? Really? I don't think three teenagers are going to go along so passively or co-operatively with that. If I was your teenage son, I would want to punch the OM's lights out, repeatedly, for destroying the family. Remember this: she may have been the caregiver, but she is now becoming the destroyer. Your kids will not miss that, nor will they miss the sh*tty thing she is doing to you. She cannot get around that, and there is no way the kids are going to be fine with that.
My thoughts are with you, and I wish we could do more to help you.
Lawlessness ( new member #54234) posted at 5:58 PM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2017
In California and probably a lot of other states, the family court offers family court services that will help you file anything. Go to your state's family court website and see what services they offer.
goalong ( member #57352) posted at 6:30 PM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2017
Unfortunately I do believe if they were asked they would want to live with my wife. They love us both but she has been the constant caregiver for them their entire lives
Under these conditions (where ww is acting a very detached manner) you should let the kids know about the betrayal in their age appropriate manner
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