SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Trtroles- I know. The only reason she gets an attempt is because there is a kid involved. No kid= filed and would have had time for the promotion needed to afford my own place.

Wk- right about lie, I wrote it off as embellishing. Ithink it is more like transposing guilt of being caught onto what she wants to feel.

She made it clear she had no intention to leave me - Her original plan, also, instant divorce, was to let the affair die out and present it after fixing our relationship. No way i could ever know what was rehearsed and what was true. I wouldn't stand for something she had months to rehearsal - it would truly show no remorse.

I talked to her about pursuit. She said she had come to the conclusion OM was not to blame for the affair but she was and she couldn't describe why. Once I told her she persued him in hopes he would respond, it gave her thoughts clarity.

I've felt everything you said in last post.

Dyo- thanks for your input! WW is actually pretty stable. I have no problem telling her how I feel, what I need, and where we stand. However, I can't predict the outcome of exposure and that is why I fear that.

She is attempting to rugsweep. I've just made my attempt to fix it. I just received two books: how to help your spouse heal and not just friends. I told her I can't lead her to change and I can't tell her to change. She needs to do it for herself. For everything to work, she needs to protect our marriage and work to make me feel safe.

I don't know that she can face the guilt and make the changes she needs.

She has broken no contact 3 times. The first time was the day after she gave birth she told me she sent 1 message- a picture of our kid. She wanted to share because she was proud of our child. I told her NC meant NC, no exceptions. The second time was 2 weeks later, she sent 3 texts. (Gut told me to check phone records hours after it happened, it was the first time I did and I was right) A picture of our kid, asking if OM received the text, a message saying her phone is being monitored.

Sometime before the third NC break, she said she needed time to grieve for the loss of the relationship with the OM. She also wanted to be able to text him from time to time...

It took me 30 mins, but I did stand up for myself. I said: "how would you like it if I f***ed ____ (named an old coworker) then told you we will still be friends and text each other, but won't have sex." That got the point across.

Side note: WW thinks the reason I don't speak to that old coworker is because she uses drugs (true). But the real reason is she threw herself at me. I could have done what I wanted with her. I walked away.

The third time she broke no contact was to call OM to say that they were caught and she could no longer contact him. Again, gut told me to check land line this time the day after it happened - and it was right). She said she felt bad not telling me she had the no contact call. She felt stupid for not telling me.

Sending her OM a picture if your child shows she has zero respect for you.

I know you know you're the father. But does he know he isn't the father?

[This message edited by HellFire at 7:05 PM, July 6th (Thursday)]

Dude...

Yeah she has no respect for you and will just continue breaking no contact imo. What consequences is she facing by breaking it?

I think one of those two people love and respect you, and it ain't her. Maybe you should dump her and befriends with other man. I think your wife pursued him from day one. I don't believe he kissed her first.

I usually say not to contact the AP, but it sounds as if this guy may have his head on straight.

He may tell you the truth, he may not. What do you have to lose at this point?

Are you sure he isn't married or have a girlfriend?

I'm pretty sure she knew divorce was the consequence by the second time. We talked so much and covered so much, I wasn't 100% certain. The third breach was to tell him he is not the father and she is not allowed to contact him. She told him behind my back. She knew for certain that the consequence of getting caught was filing for divorce.

He is certaibly aingle.

Your right Wool. I have nothing to lose at this point. I could try to contact him. Worst case, nothing happens, he doesn't answer. Best case, their stories match up.

If D was the consequence for the 3rd contact then file for D.

Otherwise she will never think there are any consequences.

I agree with the post above. File for D. You can stop it if she turns around but if you don't file, expect a 4th broken NC.

Two things she has told him are big trouble for you:

a message saying her phone is being monitored.

This is her warning him to be cool which means if you weren't monitoring the phone then who knows. She's also protecting him, a douche bag AP, from her husband. In other words, prioritizing her AP over her marriage.

"she's not allowed to talk to him"

This is telling him that she does want to talk to him but her controlling husband won't let her.

Messages like these two let the AP know that she values him and still wants him but that you, her mean controlling husband, is keeping them apart. Honestly these messages to him will encourage him there's hope that he can steal her away from you, or at least keep getting in her pants, so he'll keep trying.

She is lying.

She is telling you she sent a picture of your newborn because she is proud of the kid.

That's broken NC one.

Then broken NC two was another pic of the kid, supposedly a follow up text asking if he got the pic,and another text TO TELL HIM HER PHONE IS BEING MONITORED!!

And the third time was supposedly to tell him the kids not his and she can't talk to him again.

No. Just. No.

Have you seen these texts? Or are you going on what she's told you?

My guess is,she's allowing him to think that's his baby.

And,why tell him her phone is being monitored? Simple...so he knows not to contact her that way.. I guarantee there's another way they're still talking. Also, so he wouldn't spill something that you didn't already know about.

File. Or polygraph. Or both.

She didn't show him the pics because she's proud.

This is her boyfriend. Do you really think she's going to brag and show him pic's of the kid he thought might be his?? No way.

He thinks it's his kid.