SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Usually with affairs there's a fair degree of compartmentalization in order to be able to live two lifestyles and micro manage any guilt.

So to be able to bring the OM into your home, have sex on the bed where you sleep, or the couch where you watched TV, flirt and be lovey dovey in the kitchen you spend time in, the house is a powerful remainder of not only you but your marriage, an ultra powerful symbol, and yet she was able to traverse that, then look at you knowing what took place.

I was struck by this but also bringing the OM into the house again (with the bread) and getting you to taste it then relaying the results back to him for a better recipe. One could view it as some sick joke between the two of them or and this is the one I'm leaning towards, a sign of his dominance over you. She willing to take this bread, get you to taste it then she relays the information back to him about your reaction and making this bread taste better.

Think about it, you literally ingested a part of him, bread made by his hand, taken to you by your wife! So if you take her at her word that this guy was some ultra powerful soul mate then it makes sense, why she would bring him into her your house, not just for sex but for that as well.

So I'd call BS on the it just happened or it was a mistake, but also as you are seeing her struggle to fully show remorse because maybe there is a little remorse but truth be told how can you regret something that was so powerful and fundamental to her?

[This message edited by Tren0R201 at 12:58 AM, August 10th (Thursday)]

This tendency the wayard has to try and introduce things from the AP...

In my sitch, my husband wanted to adopt one of her bulldog puppies. He was opposed to another dog for years (we had two already in a 1000 square foot home - one was a bouvier! And i had to beg and plead for the jack) but suddenly he just had to have this massive breed of bulldog. Of course - he didn't want just any dog or any bulldog - it was that it was her bulldog's pup.

He was going to watch me care for and love his OW's puppy. To this day, he can't explain it. He admits he didn't want another dog. But i think it was his attempt to integrate his two lives...it was getting more difficult keeping it all separated. Not everyone can handle that much compartmentalization. It's starts to seep through.

And what you decribed - her need for words of affirmation and your showing her acts of service? That's just miscommunication of each other's love language. Have you read the book - The 5 Love Languages? If you decide to reconcile, I highly recommend it. My husband's love language is like yours. But because i didn't speak his love language, i didn't recognize his filling my gas tank and tidying the kitchen as love. And he didn't interpret my touch as love. It's so sad really - how lonely we both felt, feeling unloved for years all because we didn't understand how each other demonstrated love.

Sending you hope for clarity in your decisions as ou move through this cesspool...