SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Her family is wealthy, yet they're ok with her in her current financial condition and having to file for bankruptcy?

I ask this because you're using a bunch of excuses to justify why you're too afraid to stand up for yourself and boot this woman out the front door. You claim, "her family is wealthy and will pay for the best lawyers and she'll get custody and I'll get nothing" and all this, yet they won't even help her out of bankruptcy.

Nor have you BEEN to lawyer to find out what your actual options are.

If you want to keep making excuses for staying with a cheater then that's certainly your prerogative. But it's completely obvious she doesn't respect you at all and the more you cower in fear and refuse to respect yourself, the more disrespect you'll get from her.

Unfortunately, if you're not willing to help yourself, there's not a whole lot you can do.

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

-Frank Herbert

I think my real problem is codependency. She uses affection and being with my all the time to convince me we should stay together. Yesterday I had a series of meltdowns and flat out told her how much her Instagram bothers me. She then said "So what... you want a divorce?" And I said "Yes". But then she convinced me to cuddle with her and stay with her so I dropped it. Then I had another huge meltdown last night and sat in the car and she convinced me to come and cuddle with her and hold her until we fall asleep.

I know I'm weak. And I'm depressed. And I'm in shock. And I don't have the cojones to actually leave... yet at least.

she walks all over you because you allow it. Stop allowing it...period.

Read: Robert Glover - No more Mr. Nice guy

You find a PDF version for free by googling it.

Read it TODAY.

Yesterday I had a series of meltdowns and flat out told her how much her Instagram bothers me. She then said "So what... you want a divorce?" And I said "Yes". But then she convinced me to cuddle with her and stay with her so I dropped it. Then I had another huge meltdown last night and sat in the car and she convinced me to come and cuddle with her and hold her until we fall asleep.

I know I'm weak. And I'm depressed. And I'm in shock. And I don't have the cojones to actually leave... yet at least

Stop letting her manipulate you. Stop letting her control you. Stop letting her abuse you. C'mon man...

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:00 PM, September 6th (Wednesday)]

I think my real problem is codependency. She uses affection and being with my all the time to convince me we should stay together. Yesterday I had a series of meltdowns and flat out told her how much her Instagram bothers me. She then said "So what... you want a divorce?" And I said "Yes". But then she convinced me to cuddle with her and stay with her so I dropped it. Then I had another huge meltdown last night and sat in the car and she convinced me to come and cuddle with her and hold her until we fall asleep.

MrChump

She currently has a one way open marriage. Why in the world would she give that up if she didn’t have to?

1. Our kids are ages 3-11. She does not work. However, her family is wealthy and I am afraid they would have the money to hire an attorney that would give her custody over me.

2. She is a pathological liar and would most likely tell the kids and everyone else that I cheated rather than her.

3. We are filing a joint bankruptcy, and have a meeting on the 30th. I would have to wait until after that to do any TGIF.

MrChump

Do nothing for now. Spend this time getting your ducks in a row. Collect and save your evidence in several safe places. Who was taking care of the kids when she was seeing those men?

See a lawyer. Tell them about the affairs and pending bankruptcy. Realistically the best that you’re going with custody is 50% no matter what. The evidence of the affair may get you up to 50%.

You need to stop playing pick me.

She is not picking you and does not respect you.

Keep your information in a safe place about her cheating.

Has she been tested for stds?

Also have her rich family pay for DNA of the kis.

EXPOSE, expose, expose. To your family, to her family.

Have her sign a postnup that is favorable to you to stay in the marriage for now.

How do you know she is not still in contact?

because she told you? and you believe her why?

So did she say you could have 15 free passes?

She says that you have an open marriage.

when is your side open?

Start respecting yourself. Get the post nup and then file for D.

She will not stop. She has not stopped.

She does not care about your feelings.

If this is "love", I think you need a different life partner.

there are more fish in the sea.

Dude, big manly hugs coming your way.

This hurts so much to read, and I think you know she's only sorry you found out. Are you in IC? You need to talk to someone about this.

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Really, it's a fast read.

You have a lot of power that you're not using to your advantage. How would her wealthy family like it if it became common knowledge that their daughter was banging 15 anonymous men (probably more, in reality) that she met on the scum of the earth web site, Craigslist, of all places. Not in a bar and made a mistake once. Set out to have no strings attached sex with sleazeballs from Craigslist. Ew. You wield a lot of power over your wife with the potential to expose this horrible, damaging secret. It would be scandalous to the family. Use it.

How long do you have to wait and what should need to happen before you understand that she has some very serious issues??? Talking to other men while married??? OMG. Please man up and do not be so naive...She is abusing you and it will only get worse if you tolerate it. Good luck...

It's not real

I know I'm weak. And I'm depressed. And I'm in shock. And I don't have the cojones to actually leave... yet at least.

You may not have the guts to leave yet, but certainly you can develop enough fortitude to stop having sex with her and, for god's sake, quit comforting her. When she wants to cuddle, remember the std she gave you. Read up on the 180 and employ it. You'll start finding strength.

If you have to cuddle...at the very least cuddle the way you want to be cuddled!

She owes you that.

She continues to screw with you....

All this cuddle business should be under your terms.

She should be waiting at your feet, and if and when YOU decide to cuddle she can have your big toe.

Having been there my old lady pulled all the same shyt.

Hell... has she given you a hall pass?

How about the "you can hit me"....

All this shyt is meant to throw you off the reality that she needs help.

Trust me all the spankings you give her aren't going to help until she gets help.

In a way, my old ladies suubmission helped me heal (I'm wired different then most) but it didn't solve her problem.