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I am extremely intrigued to read that “no more mr nice guy” I have always felt I was extremely nice/guilible with people.

It's probably not what you're thinking from reading the title. It actually sheds light on how "nice guys" are really manipulative and somewhat emotionally abusive in a very covert way. I know it was nothing like what I expected.

Seriously though, have her read "How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda McDonald. It's cheap on Amazon and it's the best book I've come across that can help WS's really understand what they've done to their BS. It gets great reviews by WS's.

[This message edited by CincyKid at 2:13 PM, September 29th (Friday)]

Where are her consequences? Seems like she is trying to rugsweep this big time. If it were me, moving jobs (different company) would be a requirement. She would delete his number out of her phone NOW, in front of you. I would ask her for a written timeline, every detail. And then schedule a poly. Make sure she understands that any deviation from the timeline results in D. Get STD Tests for both of you. Make her feel some shame for her decision. I read a post a long time ago where a wife had slept with her OM in the marital bed, a beautiful antique heirloom given to her by a deceased family member. As she pulled in to the driveway, she saw the bed on fire in her front yard. That hit her the hardest. She needs to be 100% transparent. She needs to be exposed to all family/friends who do not know. I would recommend filing for divorce. Explain to her that it can be recinded, but she's going to have to do the heavy lifting. You don't have remorse, you have regret she was caught and someone trying to get you to "forget and move on". Don't be a door mat!!! Be strong! Man up!!

I will second Cincy opinion of "No More Nice Guy"

I started it and decided I wouldn't want a woman that responded to such treatment and attitude, anymore than I would want to be treated that way.

what is your coaching doing by results but always remember, yourself by your gameplan dude ?? You are close to failure because of your weakness.

First of all I'm not a lawyer, just a retired soldier who has seen his share of divorces.

If I understand this right you are basically a stay-at-home dad who provides primary care for your children and she is the primary financial provider for the family. In most states this would give you front seat for primary custody of children in a divorce. It could also work to provide you spousal support and child support. Maybe she has considered that and wants a fast R. In the military we use to joke and say our spouses keep us in line with three little words. You would think they would be, I Love You. Nope, they were:

ALIMONY, CHILD SUPPORT

You might want to check with an attorney. I do wish you well.

[This message edited by anoldlion at 2:35 AM, September 30th (Saturday)]

As a military vet I must agree with anoldlion. Burn that mattress, redo the bedroom...but make her pay for all of it! And go top shelf. I got mine to get me a Legend Whitfield by Beautyrest. Not the most expensive they had, but almost $4K. I didn't let her sleep on it for a few months. I needed the comfort just to get some est...MIND MOVIES...ugh! I also had her redo our bathroom for $8K and buy me a new robe and slippers for about $300. All new towels and bedding...quite expensive. Oh, she wound up replacing my Dewar's Signature (I'm a Scotch man) and bought me new cigars...Cohibas...since she let Mr. Wonderful totally make himself at home. She doesn't complain (even though she hates my fine cigar habit) and feels she got off light.

No contact means no contact - if he was ‘reaching out’ you can be damn sure it wasn’t about work.

Please let OBS know immediately that your wife has admitted that they are still talking

I think you need to think about the disparity in your professions. I think your wife has taken the alpha role in your house.

This happens a lot. I don't think she respects you because of her earning more and you, in her eyes (possibly subconscious ) you are no longer her equal and you are unworthy of her affection.

There is a book that some her disagree with strongly but you should read it to see if it fits your situation. It's the MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. It explains one veiw of marriage and why women lose respect for their husbands.

NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY is a great book too. You will quickly see if it fits your situation too.

A big indicator to the nature of her relationship with her Posom is your sex life. How has it changed in the last few years? The answer to that could tell you a lot about her true feelings.

BH8

A KEY QUESTION:

Are they still working together?

Is he still her boss?

Please answer this issue. It’s a KEY to how you should proceed.

As a bonus answer: What size company? Is the OM the CEO or a department manager? Does he answer to someone else? Does the company have a HR department.

It’s 100% definite IMHO that you wife can’t work there anymore. But in company-cultures the accountability for inappropriate relationships is ALWAYS on the manager. Possibly the threat of a sexual harassment or illegal termination could help you and WW in getting a better job elsewhere or a better severance package.

"Thanks guys. Fortunatley for me the OS text to all the their coworkers got HR involved and he was removed from her branch immedietly. And I made it clear that they couldn’t work together."

Key question was answered.

[This message edited by satphil at 12:36 PM, September 30th (Saturday)]