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smokenfire ( member #5217) posted at 5:53 PM on Thursday, November 9th, 2017
I always say tell. I was that "dumb wife" who had no idea what her spouse was up to. I swear people walked around saying, oh bless her heart.
But not ONE person contacted me to let me know what was up. If I were in the position to tell, I would.
Don't food shop when hungry, or date when you're lonely
How others treat you IS a reflection of your SELF worth, but not your actual WORTH.
BJE49 ( member #53622) posted at 6:47 AM on Friday, November 10th, 2017
Iscreaatthesea, whole heartedly agree with the waiting until after the divorce, better safe than sorry, you made one mistake by not exposing straight away, but it's never to late to make your mistakes right,the OBS deserves to know, as for the man who destroyed your marriage, when you think about it he did you a favour really, by exposing your wife as to what kind of a person your EXW really is, so I think I would tell him also but for a very different reason "SWEET REVENGE".
Regards BJE49
gonnabegr8 ( member #46415) posted at 2:20 PM on Friday, November 10th, 2017
I resonate w Minnesotas tempered response - see what your heart and gut say.
Seems logical you would tell the OBS because you said you would.
I'd at least try to blow it out of the water w her current boyfriend. You are consistently trying to do the right thing - he probably won't believe you but oh well..... You can't control that.
But yes - wait. For yourself - just wait. Ain't nothing gonna change and how naive (and borderline stupid) of people to say "how does this affect your divorce" AYFKM?!?
It ain't over in any legal proceeding. Until. It. Is. Over.
Be settled and get your ducks solid and when the time is right and things are done, then strike w your information.
feelingthenoose ( member #35328) posted at 2:32 PM on Friday, November 10th, 2017
You could use the threat of telling his wife to get a much better settlement. 
Your STBX is likely desperate for the woman to find out anyway, so go through OM. Call him and put the pressure on, and get it on tape so that when you do reveal, his wife and her boyfriend won't have any doubts.
Best of luck, smokenfire.
7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 8:50 PM on Friday, November 10th, 2017
Wait until after the divorce decree, then shout to the OM's wife and the whole world what a bimbo your xWW is.
^^^This. Wait until your D is final then expose all you want.
D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!
NoMercy ( member #54563) posted at 5:12 PM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
I can call his wife at work tomorrow and clue her in.
Absolutely call her IMMEDIATELY and fill her in. You're 12 years late. In that 12 years, this pig has probably been cheating with anyone who would have him and putting his wife's sexual health at risk year after year after year after year....
Time to do the right thing, don't you think?
Don't cling to a mistake just because you took so long making it.
Some people aren't loyal to you - they are loyal to their NEED of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty...
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