Sisoon, after reading your response to my post, I guess I should clarify some stuff. First of all, I am in pain to varying degrees at different times and for many different reasons, but when I posted I wasn't meaning to vent or even be negative, it just maybe seemed more that way because of the way I worded some things.
To rephrase what I was saying, there are different things that hit people's radar at times as being particularly relevant or applicable when they hear or see a thing in a certain, different light than they have before. Like when a common saying or verse is merely reworded or rephrased and it hits someone like they've never heard it before.
By way of example, I used to read the verse, "If you love Me, you'll keep my commandments." as if the speaker (Christ) is trying to lay a guilt trip or motivational affirmation based performance thing on His followers there. Then I heard it rephrased one day like this: "the ones who [truly] love Him are clearly known and identifiable by the fact that they actually keep His commandments." The meaning for me shifted to being one of simply saying that His legitmate children are "chips off of the old block" or "like Father, like son." etc.,
So for ME, the death stipulation was the line I couldn't mentally get away from in my vows where being free to divorce or abandon my WW to go love another woman in her stead was concerned.
But for others it seems that thinking of their spouse as "sick" with issues/waywardness catalyzes the compassion and resolution to reconcile and stay for the BS.
My point about the positive vs. negative motivators inherent in that "sickness or in health" vowing business is that many of us respond better to "positive" incentives as opposed to "negative" ones. If I "ordered" my wife to kiss me...she'd have a VERY hard time actually doing it and getting any real pleasure out of the gesture under such duress and pressure to "perform". But if I smiled and told her that if she kisses me, she'll get a nice surprise date out of me, then her incentive is VERY different and that positive incentive elicits a much more passionate and willing response.
Consequently, I see the "death clause" as a somewhat negative reinforcer of my duty to stay bound to her no matter what. In sharp contrast, there is a comparatively positive reinforcement in telling a person (BS) who's been victimized and disempowered by their spouse's adultery that they (BS) are somewhat in charge and responsible for the care and healing of their "sick/ill" wayward spouse that they must help and love because they are in fact very NEEDED by their WS in this crisis and time of need.
The one scenario = STUCK, so make the most of a bad situation. The second one = playing doctor and/or nurse.
BH-me / WW-(Pyrite)
Left Thanksgiving 2019 w/ unresolved childhood trauma and other general selfishness issues that she refuses to honestly address, resolve,& heal from.--"For where your wealth/treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Yeshua
