I’m no longer with the men who cheated on me. But the scars are still here. I started a relationship a while back with a pilot. I was hesitant because of the travel and everything you hear about that industry. He’s gone for half a week, every week. When he’s in training, it can be longer. If we stay together, this will be my life until retirement.
We have talked extensively about our fears. He realizes that while it’s easier for him to secretly cheat while on trips, I too can do the same while he’s gone. He knows I’m afraid of being hurt again. And what feels so good is, he understands. He doesn’t want me to live a life of worry. He’d rather quit his profession, than lose me. And he’s never hurt me! He’s teaching me what real devotion is.
We both came up with ways to make each other more comfortable with being apart. He doesn’t socialize while gone. He does his work, and goes to his hotel. He says he’s happy to do that. Needs his sleep, and it’s a nice downtime. We talk every night, and text throughout the day. FaceTime is a regular. We basically treat it as though he’s home and off work. Just via the phone.
It’s difficult for me because my head knows how easy it is for him to hide so much. I struggle with that, even with him not being the one who hurt me. I know what that pain feels like, and I’d rather never be with him, than know it again. But I also believe in giving someone a chance. And that is something he is very much worth. So here I am, in a lifestyle I would have never wanted. Yet we are making it work because we want to be with each other. Whatever that takes, is what we BOTH are willing to do.
He’s worth working through these fears I have and living apart half a week, and I’m worth the changes he made to make me comfortable.
As for how I deal with it..... firstly, he needed to be more concerned with me, than the people he could spend his evenings with while at his hotels (the other pilots and flight attendants). You see, so much of getting through this is what we tell ourselves in our mind. For us to really believe it, we need to believe the person we are with is being honest and true. It’s very hard when we can’t “see” them, on these trips. So how devoted they are to us, and willing to do whatever it takes to stay, shows something.
I also remind myself that I’m worth so much! If I ever find out he’s flirting, watching porn, lying to me about meeting up with people, etc.... I’m gone. I know I will survive it. And that’s about as much energy as I can expend on it.
Then I push myself to be busy. Talk with friends, work, catch up on things I can’t do when he’s here, and tell myself I LOVE the bed by myself. I can sleep all over it, lol. When I start to worry, I let myself think about it, then push forward. I don’t lie to myself, and say it’s all in my head. The truth is it’s not. We all here know the very real reality of infidelity. It can happen anywhere at any time. And I will never push away my worries again. I just can’t let them consume me. Instead, I tell myself I can only control my actions. Being with him is a risk. It’s one I’m happy to take. And one I will survive, if he does what others have done.
