SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Again, there are always scars of infidelity left behind. In my case, we have lost our circle of friends that we’ve known for more than half our lives. Well still have to see them a few times a year, as you will the STD’s. No matter what you’re left with, there are always scars of infidelity and they do not ever go away. Ever.

You asked about counseling... girl I committed myself into a psychiatric hospital and spent a week and some in there. Then I was released and went partial day for a month and saw a private therapist on top of that twice a week. Then just IC twice a week. Then once a week. Now it’s about every two weeks unless something triggers and I call her and get in right away. Throw in some MC and it’s a real therapeutic party.

The journey sucks but you’ve got to go through it. Focusing on AP will hold you back from traveling the path to a new you. A new marriage. A better you, a better marriage. Take things one day at a time. 💗

WS Only

[This message edited by numb&dumb at 7:58 AM, June 15th (Friday)]

I will start going to IC. I am too overwhelmed.

But I have to say the following:

- Herpes must be disclosed before engaging in sexual activity ( with anyone, spouse AP, one night stands, etc). He knew. He did not disclose. I am now infected

2) to the person who questioned why I stayed with him after knowing the diagnosis. Couple things. A) I was not sexually active b) I went to his doctor with him where he got his first std test done with him to document that I had indeed been lied to. It was confirmed after that appointment which took a few weeks.

3) I did the right thing after getting my diagnosis. I let my husband know of my status. That’s my legal responsibility. Any future partners ( if my marriage not does pull through) it is my legal obligation to tell them. And I would if that’s ever the case.

Even if I had had sex after diagnosis with my AP, it may seem wrong. But it has nothing to do with the case! The case is: we both agreed to testing ( full 10 panel test). I was honest with my results and have proof. He lied to me about his results. He admitted to lying about it after I was infected. I have all this paperwork n proof. Shock or disbelief/ irrelevant. The facts are the facts. It’s easy to pull the in extraneous information- affair, details of it, who did what, how long etc. But you can’t. This is not a lawsuit about whether we had an affair. That’s clear. This is purely about fraud and assault and knowingly transmitting herpes without disclosing. Completely illegal.

Trust me. I’ve spoken to numerous lawyers. My case is rock solid. Now I may not push this forward. But I have to stand up for myself when it comes to the ACTUAL lawsuit! Fraudulent and negligence in std transmission.

Now for me - it’s imperative that I disclose going forward. I’ve done so with my husband.

If I stayed with AP or left my husband for someone else or whatever- that’s all irrelevant! As long as I disclose my std prior to sexual contact.

Sorry- had to clear that up.

Thank you to the people that posted about the counseling journey.

WS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:29 AM, June 15th (Friday)]

Just because you can do a thing does not mean you should.

Focus on you, your BS and healing your marriage. Yes the STDs will trigger you and your BS but every BS and WS has triggers. You learn to deal with them compassionately. That's why it's so important to learn to deal with difficult feelings without over identifying with them or getting swept off by them. You learn to stay present and feel a crummy feeling, knowing that it will pass and that it doesn't make up the whole of your existence. You release the thoughts that arise in response to the feeling and let go of the story line and you are able to focus on your BS and being present for him.

You seem very fixated on the lawsuit thing and what you have the legal right to do or the legal obligation to do. Perhaps it would help to consider things not from a legal perspective but from a moral one. Telling someone you have an STD before having sex with them is a moral obligation, regardless of the law. Remaining faithful to your husband is a moral obligation, even though (where I live anyway) there is no law against infidelity. Do you think you have a moral obligation to sue AP? If you and AP had ended up together, would you still be thinking about suing him?

WS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:28 AM, June 15th (Friday)]

Locked at the OP's request