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Zamboni ( member #65496) posted at 2:46 AM on Saturday, July 21st, 2018
I am part of a support group for people that are victims of betrayal, and this topic comes up frequently because excessive hyper-vigilance (phone checking, snooping, spy devices) really isn't heathy behavior, but its totally understandable. I think if your gut is telling you to check, then check.
In my situation, the COW was still hanging around, so I knew it was likely it would happen again (I should have divorced him long ago I know!!). So I became obsessed with checking his stuff ... turns out he had taken his A so underground it was very well hidden ... But the reason I felt the need was because things just didn't feel right. You need to listen to what your gut is telling you.
Yes, at some point you need to let go if you are in R and trust your WS. I wouldn't know when that is or when that day comes or IF that that day ever comes. But, if they are demonstrating to you that they can be trusted, then you should ease off on the checking.
Me: BW
Him: WH Serial Cheater / NPD
Multiple affairs
Almost Divorced
MidnightRun ( member #59434) posted at 2:55 AM on Saturday, July 21st, 2018
Twisted, I think I agreed with you earlier on this, lol:
Sometimes I'm pretty sure I can walk into a room and point them out within minutes.
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