SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My wife has always had a very high libido, its really crazy. Before we tied the knot I was scepticle about marriage as almost every settled or married man you talk to says how they rarely ever get any sex from their wives after a few years or so of being married.

Sparko81

When I was a young man my friends and I would often discuss how we weren’t getting enough sex from our wives.

But my wife has rarely ever not wanted it daily other than issues due to pregnancies, sometimes we'd make love the night before and many times she's wanted it again the next morning before going to work.

Sparko81

I came up with a question for my married friends. Things could stay as they are in your marriage or your wife could give you all the sex you could handle. The only problem is that she also would be very discretely screwing the next door neighbor.

None of my friend would take the deal. They couldn’t handle the idea of their wife having sex with another man.

You feel that it’s your fault that you can’t keep up with your wife. Therefore you have forced yourself to accept the idea of your wife being serviced by another man. That’s your way of compensating (correcting) for what you consider your defect.

That’s very logical but it’s also emotionally devastating.

As others have said you need to get checked out. But have you ever considered that you might be normal and that there is something wrong with your wife? Most men can’t handle sex multiple times a day for an extended period of time, especially when they get older.

They think they can. It’s like being hungry and saying “let me at that buffet.” You think you can eat the whole thing but if you're actually presented with a buffet you can’t.

I wonder if her other man (OM) could keep up if he didn’t have a break from her to rest up.

[This message edited by Michigan at 11:21 AM, December 4th (Tuesday)]

But my wife has rarely ever not wanted it daily other than issues due to pregnancies, sometimes we'd make love the night before and many times she's wanted it again the next morning before going to work.

Sparko81

Also the largest sex organ is the brain. It can be a turn off to be treated like a public utility expected to provide constant service.

When I was in college I had a friend who moved in with an extremely hot girl friend (Playboy material). He confided in me that he couldn’t keep up.

After few sessions he could stay erect but that was all. She would ride him. He said he felt like a blow up doll with an attached dildo.

Why are you here?

What makes you think it's just one guy?

You use the word "him" like it's the same guy and you have no idea if she has a rotation and/or picking up strange for a ONS?

There might be a time your old lady doesn't come home Sunday afternoon after her "girls weekend"?

What if she comes home at 6 AM beat up cuz the guy she dated for a week want's her to leave her family and she won't.

A girl can only take so many "morning after" pills before messes with her head?

It really sucks explaining to your kids why some strange guy is in the driveway and yelling at their mother in the middle of the night cuz some nut followed her home from the bar?

You'd be lucky if she finds one particular guy and sticks with him and bails, instead of all the shyt I mentioned above plus more.

It's only been a handful of years and your old lady is still having fun.....it's just a matter of time this behavior gets away from her and it emotionally phucks up her head.

Having been down this road.... your whole family dynamic is going to crash. And in the end your old lady will be completely broken a long with everyone else!

Again I could be wrong and she finds a guy to replace you and bails, but if I'm right, her kind of behavior will emotionally break her.

It's been my experience that you are not doing her any favors! Not in the long run!

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 11:44 PM, December 4th (Tuesday)]

Bad behavior continues with out consequences....this is not emotionally healthy behavior no matter who you are!

You might want to think about getting in front of this business.

Sincerely

the guy

with the cheating wife

Frankly, I'm not sure you don't know how you feel about your W's active cheating. I suspect you are lying to yourself. But you know yourself, and I don't.

If you want to change, I suggest you find a good IC to help you change. If that's not something you want to do, I suggest reading about 'co-dependence.'

Life brings a lot of conflict. You can't avoid it. You can only choose how you want to handle it.

Believe me, resolving conflicts is empowering and exhilarating. It's a wonderful way to build a relationship, if you start with the small conflicts - that gives you a chance to learn from low risk, low intensity conflicts.

You can't do that in your current sitch. You'll have to live with her cheating or risk blowing up your M. But you can do that, even if you're scared.

I urge you to read a lot here, starting with https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/what-every-wayward-spouse-needs-to-know.asp?

That's in the 'Healing Library.' I recommend looking around in that area of SI, and I also suggest reading about 'the simplified 180.'

Consider what you've read in response to your thread and the material I've suggested and post again.

We can help if you want to change your life. If you want to stay M to an actively cheating W, we're probably not the best forum for you - but you I think you will remain welcome if you use us as a learning reference in any case.

I wish you the best.

Oh, yeah, one of the universal truths, I think, is, 'You can't nice him/her back into your M.'

[This message edited by sisoon at 10:04 AM, December 5th (Wednesday)]

Sparked... I get it! You want to keep the status quo, not rock the boat, and it’s only a bit of fun on the side. You feel that you can handle it and the alternative would be worse. I honestly get that.

Except I’m afraid to say it doesn’t work like that. Infidelity is an insidious and dangerous thing in a family unit. Firstly children (and you have two girls) are affected by a parent’s infidelity. They learn that a dysfunctional relationship is acceptable, they experience all sorts of emotions guilt, shame, resentment of the betrayed parent, withdrawal (the list goes on and on) and are more likely to be involved in infidelity in future. There’s plenty of evidence out there backing this up. Your eldest is 9, she’s getting to an age where she’ll start figuring things out in the same way that you have and then she’ll have a huge problem coming to terms with what is being presented to her as a healthy family unit and the true dynamic. Children ARE NOT stupid. We underestimate them all the time, to our shame.

Then there is the issue of your wife. Her behaviour IS unhealthy. It’s not fun! I honestly believe my STBX husband would turn back the clock if he could. He has permanently damaged himself as well as the people around him who love him. It’s not a healthy choice. It’s a choice for broken people and she will become more broken without being woken up from her self destructive behaviour. ‘The guy’ described this very well in the posts above.

And then there’s you. Please don’t underestimate the psychological harm that’s being done to you by knowing this. I suspect you’re so involved in knowing and pretending not to know, that you haven’t actually taken the time out to really think clearly about what she’s doing to you. You’re in permanent shock almost... The effects of infidelity are absolutely destructive for a betrayed spouse. One day it will really hit you like a sledgehammer feelings of inadequacy, lack of self worth, lack of self esteem, guilt, shame again another endless list... you need to prepare yourself.

Please read up on the 180 and try to get some emotional distance to really view what’s happening. Good luck.

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 12:04 PM, December 5th (Wednesday)]