I know that sometimes women will compromise against their true convictions regarding porn to appease their man , because they feel they can not control or insist that he not indulge in porn. They don't want to infringe or his rights as an adult and porn "doesn't hurt anyone" and "it's not actually cheating" even if it feels like it to her. The woman may not want to be seen as insecure or sexually repressed/damaged.
Doesn't mean that she's minimizing the effects of cheating, but may be exposing that her man's indulgence in porn, or looking at women in such an intimate way, affects her on a grander scale than she professes. Her man is intimately engaging with and completely focused on another woman, doesn't matter if the other woman is neither present nor aware.
It can be comparable to the how hurtful it is for a BS to know that a WS is thinking of or ruminating on previous sexual interludes with the affair person. Even though the affair is over and the AP isn't actually there. We don't want them engaging mentally with fantasies, it triggers our pain. Sometimes women experience the same emotional/mental pain regarding porn. Doesn't matter if we ok it. If we believe it's kind of like cheating we're not truly ok with it; we're just going along..."if you can't beat 'em join 'em mentality. For some it's better to be seen as strong and sexually liberated than risk being labeled insecure, needy, controling and sexually boring. 
[This message edited by JoyfulMourning at 2:13 AM, April 19th (Friday)]
