SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Most of us have been Gaslit here - it's straight from the Cheaters Playbook.

Remember this is not a court of law. You don't have to prove anything to a jury, whether consisting of your family or anyone else for that matter. You know what happened and you'll operate based on that knowledge. Period.

You have hard proof and an unremorseful WW who doesn't want to admit the obvious, like you said, she was probably been cheating all along, even before the wedding, drop her like a bad habit and don't look back, you deserve much better.

Don'g forget to get tested for STDs, also, go to the bank and take half of the money in joint accounts and put it on one that's in your name only, change the beneficiary of life insurance policies if any.

She says she loves me deeply etc.

She loves your paycheck and the stability you provide.

Divorce her and move on. Next time marry an adult, not an immature child. I'm sorry this happened to you. Look at the bright side, at least you didn't waste years of your life on her. That would have been a real tragedy.

Even half a pill invalidate s the polygraph results.

I have some concerns…

The recording is not clear enough to be definite?

Most of the people that have heard the tape don’t think it’s your wife giving a BJ?

SOME of your friends think it might be your wife giving a BJ?

Other than that, you don’t have evidence?

You think it’s suspicious that the man you think might be the OM was alone and not with your wife?

You have a history of relationships with betrayal…

OK – Even if your wife is cheating and irrespective of if you divorce or not. PLEASE get some help for your trust issues. Infidelity WRECKS people and can leave you with serious relationship-coping issues. Maybe that’s what’s really wrecking this marriage.

What questions were asked in the poly-test?

I certainly have trust issues now!

I did have the tape cleaned by a professional to get rid of background noise, I have cleaned it myself and it is so obvious she wasn't alone and that something was going in.

I decided on a tape because I have been betrayed before and sometimes you have to take action early rather than wait for it to happen again after its happened again!

Oh the OM was months later.

I do think it is gas lighting now and its upsetting but as someone said, its straight out of the cheaters handbook.

We always trust the one we love and believe anything they say and it is so easy to be gas lighted, you don't even realise it and sometimes you can't believe it but I have seen enough of other peoples behaviour towards their partners that its a little bit commonplace really.

You just don't expect it to happen to you.

...it is so obvious she wasn't alone and that something was going in.

You probably meant to say "on", but ironically, "in" might be the more appropriate word.

After retiring from the military I spent 20 years working in the prison system and dealing with criminals on a daily basis. I told the inmates that it was their job to get away with whatever they could and it was my job to catch them. If I caught them then I was doing my job better than they were doing theirs. They also knew that when I caught them doing something wrong that I would have irrefutable, clear, and concise evidence that they couldn't deny. You believe your evidence is totally true, but you seem to be about the only one that does. You haven't even got started in a marriage and you are already to divorce. If I were you, and I loved this woman and she was good to me, I would give the marriage about 6 to 12 months of quite, stealth information gathering. I would also tell her if she ever talked, texted, phoned, or even sent a smoke signal, to the ex POS, she would find her clothes on the front lawn with divorce papers on top of them. I don't call it quits until I have concrete evidence, that no one can deny, in hand. But, that's just me. I do wish you well.

Dave,

You disappeared. How are you doing?