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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:08 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2019
I agree that you shouldn't just leave without the kids, even if it's temporary.
I never had panic attacks until after dday. I didn't know what they were at first. I thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully, I haven't had a panic attack in a couple of years.
Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life
Countrygirl10 (original poster member #69859) posted at 5:34 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2019
Thanks for all the advice. I choose not to go to my parents for fear of him using it against me.
I’m trying to just be short and ignore but he drives me crazy.
He brings it up All the time (he has no idea what I know or how I found out)
Has yet to tell me the entire truth (I think he tells me enough to get the burden off his chest he tells me pieces)
I told him in February on my first finding out 1 slip up I’m done. I didn’t even want to
Give him that chance so I also get ‘I have gotten so much better I didn’t act on it, it was 2 minor slip ups’ ‘you can’t leave I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you I am sorry I am not who you think I am’
It just hurts my heart what if I make the wrong decision to leave he’s not a terrible person just 100% untrustworthy
I was doing so well until I brought this up about knowing I was done now I sit and cry all over again wondering what to do.
This stinks :(
KingRat ( member #60678) posted at 6:08 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2019
He may not be a terrible person, but a person who is 100% not trustworthy is worse in terms of a relationship. A relationship without trust is like a ship without a hull--it will sink. What if you make the wrong decision to leave? What if you make the wrong decision to stay? I don't think it matters as much as long as you make a decision and own it.
I'm sorry your options are choosing between a turd sandwich and a douche burger. I wish I could offer more. Just know you have more power than you think , and it's never as hopeless as it may seem. I wish you peace and strength on your journey.
[This message edited by KingRat at 12:11 PM, June 28th (Friday)]
DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 7:27 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2019
It just hurts my heart what if I make the wrong decision to leave he’s not a terrible person just 100% untrustworthy
He doesn't have to be the epitome of evil to be a horrible partner. I don't think that rattlesnakes are evil creatures (I think they're pretty neat), but I know that they will hurt me if I get too close to them. Some people are like that.
DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).
LongSigh ( member #61954) posted at 10:34 AM on Saturday, June 29th, 2019
Soooo, when I very first confronted my husband, the very first time I asked if he was up to no good in any way, he laughed it off and assured me there was nothing. Over the years when my spidey sense would tingle, he’d calmly reassure me with absolute sincerity and concern that I was worried about it.
He was so believable, that I started making jokes about the phantom affairs and one night stands. I made jokes about it. The kind of jokes where we laugh at ourselves for something we do or think that’s just so ridiculous. For years.... he laughed with me. Outright laughed out loud while looming in my eyes.
Come to find out, all along, I was dead on. Every single instance I had even the slimmest suspicion about, I was absolutely right. I guess the joke was on me.
Don’t for a second believe that calmness, or panic, are an indicator one way or another. Behavior can be consciously manufactured. Go with your gut.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:12 PM on Saturday, June 29th, 2019
From a city boy to Countrygirl: One's background doesn't matter here. A breakup of a long-term relationship that started with high hopes is terribly sad.
Crying is a great way of expressing grief, anger, frustration.... That's all. It doesn't mean you are or should be 2nd-guessing yourself. It just means you're feeling your feelings.
(((Countrygirl10))) - a hug, if you want it
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
digitaldrifter ( member #50161) posted at 3:22 PM on Saturday, June 29th, 2019
I think that's what bugs me the most about all of this, feeling like I'm the butt of the "joke" of infidelity. All of my exWW's close friends knew, I have a feeling her parents knew, and no one told me and just pretended that everything was ok. Now they get to shift the narrative and get to say that I'm the asshole for not wanting to deal with them because I haven't gotten over everything...
Isn't infidelity grand? 
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