SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

These are legitimate considerations, but you're leaving one thing out of your thought process.

Being single can be absolutely awesome. You do what you want, you make all the decisions, and you have such freedom. I'm 45 with two kids and I don't really care right now whether I meet anyone worthy of sharing my life with at the moment. I'm basking in the serenity of not having to deal with wondering where he is, what he's doing, is he lying, has he figured out how to adult yet, etc. and so on. It's harder financially, a lot harder. I've given up a lot of things I enjoyed. And yet...I'm happier. Bottom line is that I'm happier without that stress in my life. My kids get much more of me without that stress in my life.

I could get dates. I've intentionally avoided it because I'm honestly enjoying being on my own so much that at this point, it would be an unnecessary complication to date someone. I may meet someone I want to be in a relationship with one day (could be tomorrow, could be in 5 years), and I may not. For now, I watch what I want on TV, I spend my time doing things I find interesting and I have no significant other to compromise with. I feel like I'm blooming.

If it helps, I had a one-year-old and a 4-year-old when my first marriage broke up in my early 30s. I had absolutely zero trouble getting dates.

How do I feel about me? I feel too old... I have aged well. but...I feel men prefer younger women....I am not convinced, I will have a single date. I cant change my situation...XWH many A's were with much younger women.

Cancrushed, fuck those guys. Immature men your age and mine want women in their 20s (as did my own WH). You do not want those men anyway. You have had enough of that bullshit. They are self-selecting out of our dating pool and thank goodness for that blessing.

In a weird way I almost feel sorry for him, because I think he has low self esteem and has ruined his own life,

It took me about 18 months before I felt much empathy for my FWW. You're quite right, I believe, that infidelity is very self-destructive. Seeing that makes it a bit easier to see the changes (if any are actually made, that is).

...tonight we’re going out on a double date, and I’m just dreading it.

I realize this is probably too late, but why did you agree to go?

Be gentle with yourself, ItsNotFair. Your life isn't going to be 'normal' for a long time. So why bother being 'normal?' If you feel as if you need to put your social life on hold for a while, then so be it. You've experienced a severe emotional and psychological trauma and it's going to take a while just to recover from the shock of it all. Give yourself all the time and space you need to recover and begin to heal.