"She's not thinking clearly right now".
Listen I know this isn't easy and it sucks that she's put you in this position. You say you've been in a "happy" marriage for the past 14 yrs, and yet after Dday, you know she's still in contact with this OM.
Ask yourself this. At your wedding, you're standing there before your family, friends and God, and the preacher walks you through your vows, but now let's imagine it's not just you and your fiance standing before each other but this other man is there as well, and the preacher now asks your fiancé who she wants to CHOOSE......you or this other man?
I would imagine that day was one of the happiest days of your life, correct? Would you have been ok with her getting to "choose" between you and this OM (or to even get married) at that point in time?
After hearing the preacher saying, "Forsaking ALL others" and then he looks at your fiancé and says, "which of these two do you choose to be with and to honor these vows" as everyone at the wedding anxiously awaits to hear her decision.
Would any of this have been ok with you?
Now FOURTEEN years later, and you say it's been a "happy" relationship and it's not just uttering the words "I do" but there's kids involved and over 5,000 days of loving one another and going through the ups and downs of life and she's brought another man into the relationship and even after being busted for all of the lying and cheating and a knife that she stuck in your back she's STILL seeing this guy and you're wavering on what to do and even willing to give her time to "choose" what she wants to do?
I would imagine that NONE of this would have been ok with you fourteen yrs ago and thus why would it be ok now after everything you've invested in this relationship.
You would have said, "F this" at your wedding when the preacher asked her to "choose" and just walked away. The choice would NOT have been hers to make? It would have been YOURS and it would have been a NO BRAINER!!
No matter what happens you still have to look at that reflection in the mirror and be happy with who's staring back at you and to be a man of conviction.
In my humble opinion this whole, "she's not thinking clearly" is just a bunch of bull shit". That she isn't on her knees begging you to stay with her and apologizing for all the heartache she's brought you and for blowing up your family should tell you EVERYTHING you need to know.
She's not a child who gets to "choose".
This is your life and you get to "choose".
"CHOOSE" you and your dignity and file and have the D papers slapped in her hands and walk away and the sooner you do this will be one less regret you'll have to deal with later on in life.
