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wanted2believe (original poster member #55889) posted at 3:45 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2019
Lots of 2x4s...wow. I had to take a minute and really let everyone’s words sink in.
Nekonamida, I think you are spot on. He’s never done any work...and that’s because he doesn’t WANT to. I’ve shown him the right things to say and what remorse should look like and he used those things as a pacifier. Just more deceit and manipulation...no real aha moments or change.
I kinda wish he would just be an ass so this was easier. It’s so confusing when he pretends to get it and care because I start to feel a sense of hope. That’s completely shattered now and I realize I will NEVER feel safe with him again.
"Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing."
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 4:28 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2019
W2B, I think this is him being an ass. He may be pretending not to be and you may not have found out how big of an ass he really is until just now but this is definitely asshole behavior. Even his over-the-top show of apologizing to OBS and you just seems so manipulative. It would have been acceptable after DDay #1 but #3 with 2 false Rs? It seems fake.
You have been here a while. Do you remember when we used to call this a "Horse and Pony Show"? It was when a WS puts on this big, dramatic display of remorse but doesn't do the work and doesn't stop cheating. It's meant to dazzle you, distract you, and ask yourself, "How could he possible not feel remorse when he does all of THIS?" But that's all it is - a horse and pony show. It's not real. It's not concrete. And clearly, it's no where near enough to address the real issues he has.
So when you think he's getting it, stop. Remind yourself that getting it for him right now isn't possible and never will be possible without months, possibly years of therapy and consistent effort from him. It's all a show right now. It's meant to warm the hearts of the audience - YOU - and avoid consequences. And then you get right back on the 180 and keep detaching.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 5:39 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2019
When someone shows you who they are believe them. He's shown you three times that you know about.
Is this how you want to live?
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
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