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AUS1986 (original poster new member #72710) posted at 3:21 AM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
sorryforeverythi
The thing is, I do those things. Its been an ongoing struggle, the goal post is always moved. She can focus on what she needs from me I do them and her needs change. My needs are an afterthought or not even considered.
I dont even know if getting any more truth will help me heal. Her infidelity has been going on the entire relationship.
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 3:41 AM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
AUS1986:
I am sorry you are going through this. But you will get through this okay. I think as you post and reflect on what you have posted and what others have said, you see that the overriding conclusion is that your WW is supremely selfish. This is very common among cheaters. She makes everything about her needs, her stress, her issues. You give, and give, and give and it never seems to be enough. It is because she Is a broken person with hole inside that can never be filled. She pursues the OM for attention and validation but still wants you. As The1stWife said she is selfish and needy. Can she change? Maybe, with intense IC. But without IC she will continue to pursue others to fill that unfillable hole.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
squid ( member #57624) posted at 10:53 AM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
AUS,
Focus on a hard 180. Lawyer up and file. If she really and truly wants to join you, then it will be entirely up to her to prove to you that she is worthy of a chance. She'll have until the divorce is final to do so. You can stop the process at any time.
The only thing you can do at this point is focus on your own actions. Your marriage is a sham - a total lie from the beginning.
How can I trust someone who actively pursued someone else while we were in love and building a future? I am having serious doubts about our future, we would always talk about our plans for a house, kids, pets. it just doesnt feel real anymore.
No house, no kids. Cut your losses and run. Were her vows even real?
I'm sorry, man. Just know it's not you. Bro hugs.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 11:45 AM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
There is a reason that she is deleting the texts.
3rdstrike ( member #71471) posted at 12:39 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
AUS1986,
Run...run to a lawyer and figure out your next steps. She is protecting herself and showing you what guilt and regret look like, not remourse. Set your boundaries and don't waiver from them. I did everything, EVERYTHING wrong after my DDay. It took me over a year and a half, and finding this site, to figire out I was a chump and my WW was just a run of the mill cheater and liar. It was hard, I've been with my WW for almost 30 years!
I had to detach emotionally so I could see her for who she really is. It's tough, it is really really tough because you are trying to look at her how you want her to be, not who she really is. You are trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, she will beg you to give her a second chance. Nope! Only she can fix herself. Your job is to protect you and get your mind in the right place.
Sorry you are here brother. Listen to the people here and stay strong!
Me 49 BH
Her 48 WW Married 26 yrs
2 teen daughters
2 EA's
1 EA turned PA lasted one year.
DDay 18 May 2018, Filed Jan 2020
She thinks time, rug sweeping and being nice will make it go away.
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