SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Dyokemm, I did rug sweep the emotional affair when I first discovered it, I was told that they were just friends and I was controlling and jealous. I found a message from her Facebook from another guy asking her to have an affair. We fought and at the time I was ready to walk out. I told her if she could talk to the OM then I could have girlfriends to share with and text.

The PA , I only caught the hot tub incident and all of the red flags. She later said it was an inappropriate relationship, which I corrected and told her that it was an affair. I am not worried about losing her, she is free to go, I told her that I could replace her instantly.

We are still together because we choose to be, I believe that we got married too young she was 21.

If memory serves, the AP was in your social circle, possibly somebody you viewed as a friend. Did you ever confront the AP? Inform his BOW? Excise them from your life?

Yes we cut contact with the other couples and I was offered a promotion for work which made us relocate several hundred miles away.

The OM and his wife were in a open relationship and are now divorced due to him having an affair, if that’s possible in an open relationship.

due to him having an affair, if that’s possible in an open relationship.

Infidelity occurs when one partner unilaterally chooses to break the mutual promises that define the relationship. Traditional marriage vows include promises of monogamy and fidelity. Open marriages might move that envelope a bit, but they generally still include promises, such as: no sex with another person without me present/without me knowing in advance; no sex with another person that's not part of a swap; no PIV sex without protection; no oral sex with another person; etc. Couples in open relationships generally agree in advance on these rules. Cheating occurs when one partner steps outside of the agreed-upon framework. Open relationships can be a version of playing with fire. Sex can be a dynamic, powerful force. One partner might find a spark or connection via sex, and then start sneaking around with a sex partner, who then becomes an AP.

My observation generally is that if one spouse asks the other for an "open relationship", the asking spouse doesn't really want that. He/she just wants a hall pass to cheat. True open relationships come from two people who are already into the open lifestyle independently, then forming a relationship.

Butforthegrace, I should mention that I always liked Proverbs 28:1, The OM and in my case OW both were in open relationship, but were both damaged people, from my past I can see it. OM was having a threesome with his wife and another woman and supposedly fell in love and dumped his wife and daughter for her.

I thought that the OM was my friend at one time until the affair, I did confront him sometime ago at a party after I posted my last thread, he didn’t take it well and him and one of his loser friends tried to start something with me. I am a big guy and it didn’t end well for them.

The consequences for my wife were that I just stopped pursuing her, I didn’t ever initiate sex, I put myself first in our relationship, I just stopped trying and I don’t think it will ever come back.

If my wife and I divorce it will be from us continuing to drift apart not from her infidelity.

Ok, so you're drifting apart because of her infidelity. But if you D due to the drift due to her infidelity, it's not infidelity related?

I'll be honest, I personally would not think my marriage was a success if I described it the same way you describe yours. If marriage is not that important to you as whatever money/benefits you get from staying married, I can see why you have chosen to accept for not great but just okay. Do you ever wonder why your WW settles for just okay? How do you think she is getting her needs met?