Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 4:36 PM on Friday, October 30th, 2026
Totally irrespective of how your marriage pans out:
Deal with your drinking.
I know your therapist said it’s connected – the state of the marriage makes you drink, but your drinking has in some way led to the state of your marriage.
(Never justifies her decision to have an affair, and if it impacted her decision to do so then it’s a totally wrong deduction on her behalf)
But irrespective of if you are married or divorced six months from now – be sober.
If you are going to tell me drinking isn’t an issue then great – stop drinking because it isn’t an issue and therefore no problem.
Do yourself a favor – tonight, without telling your wife – go to an AA meeting.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
beetrain6 (original poster member #87705) posted at 1:15 AM on Friday, November 6th, 2026
Deal with your drinking.
I know your therapist said it’s connected – the state of the marriage makes you drink, but your drinking has in some way led to the state of your marriage.
(Never justifies her decision to have an affair, and if it impacted her decision to do so then it’s a totally wrong deduction on her behalf)
But irrespective of if you are married or divorced six months from now – be sober.
If you are going to tell me drinking isn’t an issue then great – stop drinking because it isn’t an issue and therefore no problem.
Do yourself a favor – tonight, without telling your wife – go to an AA meeting.
Well said and 100% valid. I am, and have been, dealing with it through individual counseling and via medication (Naltrexone). Not b/c it may or may not impact my marriage, but b/c I want to think clearly and be healthy. I don't know (still trying to figure this part out) when it became a problem and/or why. I also don't know if it negatively impacted our marriage to begin with, but that's not the point - as you clearly stated.
Through the affair and reflection of a lot of other things, I have a different perspective on my life as a whole and hope to be a better person b/c of it. That said, this has been the hardest thing that I've ever gone through in my 50 years of life. I only hope that I find may through it....sober and stronger.
