SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hang on too sick to show for the hearing but well enough to go to a game? How does that work?

I am sorry that the OM is still so present in your life. Coaching his son for Basketball, that is going to make things tough.

You are doing great mblink.

Tomorrow is our first basketball practice. I haven't heard directly that the kid is playing. Just my son reporting that he told the other boys he was playing. Therefore, I did not include the family in my texts about practice starting. The boy sat out last year and is always a little on the edge about playing. Is it wrong that I hope he doesn't play? I just can't imagine the interaction. I know I can let my assistant deal with them but it will cause some uneasy moments.

This high road can get lonely at times but I am sticking to it.

Those were my thoughts, too, Ginny and HardyRose. Too sick to attend an important hearing but goes to the game the next night.

A difficult situation with the son, mblink. Don't have any suggestions for you. The son, IMO, is innocent. He probably has too much drama in his life already. He may even be being used as a pawn. I hope not. Perhaps he needs exposure to an honourable man.

The OM should have thought about the fallout, not you. I feel bad for the boy...that he has such a shit for a father. But it is not on you. Let's hope he doesn't play.

kids went to their mothers for the week yesterday. They stayed with me a little longer than usual, school was closed and I took the day off to spend with them. Since we had basketball practice until 5. I offered to drop the kids off afterwards, she made an issue but allowed me to drop them off. DD went to practice just to hang out so she didn't have to go there alone. We picked up their stuff afterwards and they began stalling to go. While I like it, I know I have to get them there so I won't get into trouble. I dropped them off at 530.

HS football playoff game last night. DD texts me that OM was there selling tshirts, she wanted one but wouldn't buy it from him. He was outside the stadium, moved his table inside after the game started. This was an approved fundraiser for the team so it wasn't some weirdo selling shirts. Well it was a weirdo selling shirts. Ha. Anyway I went over and bought her a shirt, the POS wouldn't look at me, thanked me for buying one and I told him to F off. Of course my stbxw was ther as well dressed to the nines and sitting a coup,e of rows in front of where he was selling. His wife and kids were not there. That was the only interaction with either of them for the evening. Thinking back I should have handled it better but I needed to have a small outburst. Better would have been......."thank you for taking her and all of her issues out of my life. Good luck to you. Your world will come crashing down soon enough. "

Its funny you think about that second when you will have to deal with the person and afterwards you figure out a better way of handling it.

....the POS wouldn't look at me, thanked me for buying one and I told him to F off.

Honestly, Blink, I think it's just fine to tell him to F Off. After all, he and she blew up two families. There SHOULD be consequences and, if one of those is you telling him how you feel, well, I'm sure ok with it. Next time, you can give him your response about taking her and all her issues off your plate.

Your kids: Hard for you to see and deal with but it's likely everything will settle down by the end of the year. The new normal will be in place and they may be feeling better about it by then. The adjustment period has to be rough for them and for you: the nature of the beast. Continue doing what you're doing. They know YOU are their foundation; lucky daughter and son to know they can rely on YOU. Of course, if OM POS and she end up living together, that brings a whole new can of worms. If your children balk at EOW with her/them, you may want to consider a return to court. Your attorney will know whether a judge is likely to give the kids what they want as opposed to forcing them to go where they have valid reasons for not wanting to go. The key there is VALID reasons. "I don't like my step-dad" is probably not going to be a valid reason. Sending big hugs to you, your DD and DS.

As an aside: I thank God our daughters were adults when our world was blown up; having to do what you're dealing with may have been beyond what I could stand or handle.

Have to agree F off is a good enough response

short to the point and no need for eloquent banter

Blow him up with official exposure to the school. Get him away from your kids.

You did the right thing holding your temper. Telling him to Go Fuck Himself was a modest response. But he did earn it, and if it made you feel better, then great. You have great self control. Continue to concentrate on your kids.

I'm also a West Virginian, lots of local stores carry school shirts and sweaters for the local teams so look into that before you feel you have to deal with your wife's future asshole boyfriend to buy your daughter a shirt.

Mblink, you seem to be a good man that has his kids welfare in mind. That, in itself, makes you superior to your cheating ex. Take courage in that! You are a better person and parent.

[This message edited by longforgotten at 4:59 PM, November 13th (Sunday)]

....the POS wouldn't look at me, thanked me for buying one and I told him to F off.

I like this response better. This guys seems to think all is ok (because of your WW and the OBS) that he has everyone thinking he is a great guy.... Enough to try to talk to your daughter at school...or show up at events alone but with your WW nearby. That his son can join bball with you as the coach and it won't be awkward for all involved. I think it's good for him to know people still think he is an ASS.

You didn't get violent, and didn't back down to get the T-shirt.

The shirt was special, football playoffs, so I understand why she wanted it. DD called me yesterday to let me know her mother also bought one from the OM. Stbxw bought one for herself not for the either of the kids. Just gave her a way to speak to him in public without everything seeming weird to the people who don't know about the affair.

The OM's kid has stopped showing up for basketball so that storm may have passed. Since my son isn't here this week.... I can't get the scoop if he is coming back.

Marc878 once the D is final I plan on discussing with the board of ed. At a minimum, they should address their moral contract policy to include using employee access to school facilities for anything other than school business should result in a reprimand. I know members of the board well and see several on a regular basis.

Other than these small dramas all has been quiet during this never ending lull period of waiting for this to end.

I forgot.... I made an appointment with my IC for Wednesday, just thought I should see someone again. At times I do find myself spending time thinking about what has happened, why I missed it, why it still bothers me so much.

I also have an appointment with the kids counselor on Friday. This was scheduled after their last appointment. Not sure what this will result in but I am a little nervous.

[This message edited by mblink at 4:49 AM, November 14th (Monday)]

Hey man, I just wanted to give you a nod...

Your DD wanted a shirt, and her Daddy got it for her. She stuck by you and you came through for her.

THAT is what it's all about.

Just a quick question.....

We are to split kids costs 50/50. I have paid for several things over the last couple of weeks in regards to the kids.

Medicine, sports physical, basketball shoes, contact lenses, etc. I provided my stbxw all of the receipts and have asked for her half of the expenses.

Crickets.

What the hell can I do about this? She just ignores my request. I hate to involve the lawyers as it will cost me as much as I am asking to get back. I anticipate this going on for the next 6 years until my son turns 18,

It's not the $100 bucks as much as it is the agreement that we are supposed to be in. What will happen if there is a major expense down the road?

Keep a balance sheet - when she asks for reimbursement on something, you have a balance sheet file you can send her a pdf of how things stand with her contributions and yours tallied up (so she can't alter it) and leave it at that.

If you pay her any child support you maybe able to deduct it. Check first with your attorney.

I thought that the expenses you were paying through the end of the dissolution were already being taken into consideration and you were going to get reimbursed at the very end?

Maybe I misremembered.

Make sure your attempts to contact her are documented (e-mail or text). I imagine at some point she is going to want or need something from you, and you can use that leverage. If there are any bills your are paying for her (cell phone, internet, etc.), stop paying them as long as it won't adversely affect your children (i.e. not the electric or water). Let her come to you.

You may need to get the lawyer involved, at least this time. It may set a dangerous precedent if she can get away with "ghosting" you, don't let that happen. While it may cost a bit more in the short-term, your lawyer can probably figure out a way to compel your STBX to pay what she owes now and in the future. Especially if STBX isn't abiding by the separation agreement. Courts don't look kindly on that.

[This message edited by Shattereddd at 7:05 AM, November 23rd (Wednesday)]

Is your 50/50 split agreement in an order, or is this what you are proposing to be in the final order? Because if its not final, you're screwed.

That said, as was recommended, keep a spreadsheet of what you paid, what she paid, how much was reimbursed by you/her. You might get what she owes out of the equity at the settlement.

From my experience (I pay everything for my kids - ex hasn't/doesn't pay shit), sometimes you just do what's right for your kids and eat the cost. The kids will (eventually) know who's really supporting them.

Ok. Clarification, we agreed to 50 50 split through final order. So far any expenses have been credited to me towards the settlement. Lawyer keeps telling me to provide her, stbxw, with recipes and attempt to collect. I figure that I will drop off copies at the lawyers today

Worst case of receive credit at settlement

Concerned that it will never end. But I will after settlement create a spreadsheet to calculate my expenses and make adjustments to anything she asks for

Is it very specific and very clear in your MSA how child costs are to be handled? STBX may be giving you yet another gift of foresight. Better you know now how she intends on behaving post-D and can get the MSA iron-clad. Even if you have to have something like "Each parent will provide the other with a list of child-related expenses and receipts on a quarterly basis which will be reimbursed by the other parent within 30 days through check, money order, or ACH transfer...child-related costs that are not listed in this settlement agreement will be agreed upon by both parents before such expenditures are made..." etc. (obviously your lawyer would offer much better language).

Your lawyer HAS to have some advice on this. I'd be shocked and maybe a little angry if I retained a lawyer who simply told me "keep trying to collect the money from your Ex" without having a secondary plan or a plan to prevent this problem in the future.

Stay strong, Blink! Your story is one of the most memorable ones for me and I think about you frequently, hoping you are healing and growing closer with your children. You're a good man.

If your state allows it have a 'liquidated damages' or the family law equivalent put in. Essentially something that says all submitted expenses will be paid within x number of days and failure to do so will shifts the court and attorney costs to the offending party. If you are forced to seek court intervention then she has to pay for the lawyers... Which are normally the larger cost. It will provide that extra incentive to make sure she (and you) are not tempted to play games with the kids money.