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lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 6:40 PM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2013
10,000 posts. that must hurt the fingers!!!! 
Thanks for the wisdom.... 
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
SummerStorm21 ( member #41320) posted at 7:04 PM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2013
Thanks for posting. Good to have something to hang on to. Interestingly for me it was only when I stopped trying to be strong and really did surrender to the situation that I felt any kind of hope in the world again.
Every person walks a similar but unique journey. I am trying to question it less and have faith there will be positives like you mention here.
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 7:12 PM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2013
10,000 posts. that must hurt the fingers!!!!
Hee hee - I have fingertip callouses - time to learn to play the guitar! 
Summer - you make such an excellent point. Sometimes, letting go of trying to control of the situation brings us the peace that we struggle so hard to attain. Faith in the positives can be hard to come by. For me, I need people who have been there already to tell me what's waiting on the other side. That's kinda what inspired me to post this... in case there are other "Just give me the damn map!!" junkies like me. 
[This message edited by Jrazz at 1:13 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Kaya ( new member #7806) posted at 8:26 PM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2013
Thank you Jrazz!! I needed this today and now.
Going into our 2nd MC session today in few hours which WH needs to address the A. All day, I am having anxiety about what I am about to hear, but reading your post made me feel that it'll be okay. As painful as it's going to be, it too shall pass eventually right?
Thanks for taking the time to write this for us here.
Me - 35
WH - 39
Married 4 years, together for 10 total.
DS - 15 months
DDay #1 - EA, sometime in 2005
DDay #2 - PA, not sure if it's EA yet. 11/3/2013.
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 8:32 PM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2013
You've been through soooooo much, kaya. YOUR strength is an inspiration. 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 11:40 PM on Thursday, November 14th, 2013
I hope my 10000 post (if I ever reach that milestone) will be as good, sensible and relevant as this one.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Thefly559 ( member #40268) posted at 12:45 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2013
Thank you ! That was a great post
"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 6:15 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
I hope my 10000 post (if I ever reach that milestone) will be as good, sensible and relevant as this one.
Thanks Bigger! Let's see... at the rate you're clocking you have about 8 years to draft something. I bet it will be spectacular.
I'm glad you liked the post, Thefly559.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
catatonic ( member #40758) posted at 2:04 PM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
thank you Jrazz
Woke up this morning. Needed a little support from SI. Had very emotional talks with WH last night. Heading to MC today.
You are so eloquent . What a great boost for the day.
Thank You for giving the time, your talent, and experience to share that to those of us trying to figure this out.
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 3:41 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2013
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 6:07 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2013
That was beautiful, razzie.
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
meredith132 ( member #41593) posted at 7:27 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2013
Thank you for your timely advice xxxx
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 6:53 PM on Sunday, December 15th, 2013
Thanks naners...
That's what I'm really hoping for, meredith132... that someone will be needing to hear that they're going to somehow be ok and then read this and feel better. It's all true.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
forgivingnow ( member #33549) posted at 1:27 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Bump
Me-BS 57
FWH-57
M 37yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yours
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 7:58 AM on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 11:35 AM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Abbondad ( member #37898) posted at 3:10 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
Thank you for bumping this. I read it when you first posted it, Jrazz, and now I've read it again.
My fear six months to a year ago when I was in unimaginable hell, my most intense fear was indeed this: will I be OK? And I did not even know what "OK" meant. Did it mean I would not kill myself and that would be the best I could hope for? Did it mean I would be able to get through one day without bursting into wailing sobs of grief? Did it mean I would not literally murder the OM?
What it has begun to mean to me is that I finally acted with strength I did not believe I had.
I filed for divorce from the person who brought me and my children pain.
I went back to work.
I was reminded that I am still a man desirable to women.
I sleep through the night.
I am moving to my own home.
I rejected my STBX's feeble attempts to get me back (I.e., return to cake-eating).
I gained back all the weight I lost.
I have plans for my future and feel excitement.
I am a better father than I ever was.
I will make someone a wonderful partner.
I will never permit myself to be treated like this again.
All this--if anyone reading this is still in the early throes of agony--took time, time, time, and more time.
I am and will be OK.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
Chickie ( new member #42390) posted at 11:12 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
Wow.
Thank you for writing this Jrazz. I really needed the reminder today.
(And to Wifehad5, thank you for the bump so it was easier to find.)
In light of your comments, I'm now going to find the cat and surrender to the kitteh-snuggles for a bit.
Thank you.
The other chickie (Please accept my sincere apologies, I didn't realise this username was so close to another.)
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 8:10 AM on Sunday, February 9th, 2014
Ahhh kitteh-snuggles - that is the REAL healing magic! (I get pug-snuggles )
Abbondad - I'm honored that this thread is helpful to you. Your hard work through everything is truly an inspiration.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 4:44 AM on Saturday, February 22nd, 2014
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
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