SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Guess what I got today after 8 years??? Flowers!!

I'm so freaking happy I feel like a stupid teenager.

The note in it says"this is only the beginning love x."

I told him it doesn't even begin to make up for it. But it's a good start.

Guess what I got today after 8 years??? Flowers!!

I'm so freaking happy I feel like a stupid teenager.

The note in it says"this is only the beginning love x."

I told him it doesn't even begin to make up for it. But it's a good start.

I feel your pain!! My idiot stbxh did the same things. I used to get pretty and try to make love to him; he always rejected me. We'd been married only seven months and already gone about four without having sex. I later found out that he is into transsexuals and cougars, which are two things I am not. It turns out that he didn't want sex with me because of his weird perversions. It isn't anything about how we look; it's about how he feels about himself. Sometimes, i wish I wouldve been the one who had the affair; I feel like I earned it for all the shit I put up with. I'm so glad it's over. I just want to be free.

Is there any chance he told you because the OW threatened to tell on him? Is there any chance that she misses him and he doesn't want to go back to her, so he's doing a preemptive strike here? That would be my thought--someone found out and threatened to tell you. There's no good other reason. I'm sorry. My EX-guy is total crap, too.

Is there any chance he told you because the OW threatened to tell on him? Is there any chance that she misses him and he doesn't want to go back to her, so he's doing a preemptive strike here? That would be my thought--someone found out and threatened to tell you. There's no good other reason. I'm sorry. My EX-guy is total crap, too.

So just an update. I finally got a time line from him the EA started around July of 2008 ( when I was 5 mo prego) the PA was 3 months until right before my daughter was born the the EA continued/ fizzled out by July of 2009.

He has given me a why as to the lack of sex and it is a horrible mix of Madonna/whore complex mixed with past failed serious relationships- it took him 4 hours and a LOT of tequila to explain it but it's a why I can come to accept.

He also sees the damage it did to our relationship and has corrected it (at least I hope so I know it could just be HB so we will see). But he makes the effort to initiate sex a few times a week.

He has also given me a bit of a why he had the affair again it took hours to explain but the just of it is they had already "connected" (which he understands now wasn't real) bc of their ER jobs and the horrible things they experienced that combined with the fear of intimacy/ Madonna

/whore complex while I was pregnant and a feeling of entitlement/selfishness and the extreme fear of losing another baby ( he has lost a total of 3 between me and prior relationships) the sex was "easy" in that it was a physical release with no real feelings in it. It was an EA in that he shared things with her he shouldn't have but he always new he loved me not her and told her that I would always come first no matter what and it was just sex. She was just coming out of a divorce so she wanted something "easy" to. Comparable to a "friends with benefits" except that he was fucking married.

He sees and understands why and how it happened and that he can never be " just friends" with someone again.

I brought up how flirty and touchy feely he was ( he has noticeably stopped those behaviors a few years ago) and he admitted he was wrong and because of prior life experiences felt the need to be a KISA for everyone especially females. He owned up to all the females he was inappropriate with ( most I already knew about or saw and when I brought up then it was wrong I was made to feel like a bitch for being uncaring.

We have been over many of the situations and he has fully admitted he was wrong in hugging them rubbing their backs flirting etc etc.He also has apologized for making me feel bad about it.

He knows he still has a lot of work ahead of him and I am still miserable dealing with it all and most days I'm still horribly depressed and pissed but at least it's a start

I am so glad that you and your WH are doing well.

Masturbation and porn can re-wire a mans sexual response. Which for you can equate to no sex or unsatisfying weird sex. Talk about frustrating!

He really needs to stop cold turkey so that he can find his way back to being a loving sexual partner for you.

And that takes time...!

Hang in there.

So my H finally got a full work up and his testosterone is normal. I know things are better but it makes me feel like shit. I was hoping at least SOME of it was medical but nope it's all him being fucked up in the head. He's thrilled with the news and doesn't get why I feel worse.

Oh yeah and in order to get the test done for insurance purposes it had to be documented in the chart as " lack of interest and desire for spouse" which I know isn't true HB is in full force but I still feel horrible.

Completelybroken, it might have been easier if he had a medical condition, but look at it this way: if he works on himself, he can fix his problem. If it were a medical problem, he'd have the problem for life and have to take a pill.

Glad you're in HB still. When it is over, he may go back to the infrequent sex again. Have you discussed his use of porn and masturbation?

I say "used" because I believe, as some, that they are both addictive and can be destructive to the person using them, as well as their M.

a big hug for you(((((Completelybroken)))))

HBH