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Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 5:39 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013
DP
[This message edited by Kajem at 11:42 AM, August 16th (Friday)]
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 5:39 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013
adopting a child was something that she would do and I needn't be too involved
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WTH? seriously? A child is going to be living with you,and you won't be involved? How exactly does THAT happen? Also, your children are going to see you every other weekend only, they are going to be so crushed because this other kid gets to live with their Dad. (That's how my children feel.) the mother of this adopted child is going to be going out all the time because you will be staying home taking care of her/him because she will be telling you that no mom she knows stays home all the time with their children.
Have you read postings by Abbondad on this website? His wife sounds exactly like your girlfriend.
Nice, maybe, a reason to move and change your life? No.
Don't feel bad, I know a man whose children were grown and he broke up with a really nice decent lady because she didn't really want to do the grand kid thing that much. (He did meet someone really great after that).
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:40 AM, August 16th (Friday)]
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 5:50 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013
adopting a child was something that she would do and I needn't be too involved
I think this comes back to the viewpoint that kids are not part of the package. She doesn't see it that way with Velveteer, so she wouldn't see it that way if she adopts.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
LisaP ( member #15088) posted at 7:01 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013
My XH married a woman as you describe. In the beginning, she was good to them. I was relieved he married a "good" person because he sucks so much as a dad. Her kids are mostly grown so I figured she would have the motherly instinct to keep my kids safe, comfortable, and make them feel like a part of their new family.
Boy was I wrong! Once married, she has changed. They have purchased a "vacation" home in another state and still maintain a small home here for EOW. His work has offices in both states. Their Dad is now in that state most of the time and is NEVER available to see them, except EOW. She no longer spends time with the kids when they are at their house. Even if she is in our state, she has better things to do.
While she is not mean to them, she makes our kids feel like strangers visiting at their Dad's house. She has become his #1 priority. The kids feel it, see it, and are hurt by whatever is going on over there.
This is a difficult situation to be in, but what I am hearing/reading, she is pushing you. She is manipulating you. She is telling you everything that is wrong, but those are the things that feel right to you. It's working because you are second guessing yourself.
Keep true to yourself.
Me BS
Divorced!
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
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