SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

bump, Selkie, how are you doing? Has anybody heard from her? hoping she's ok.

I know this may sound odd but for back up you can contact your local chapter of B.A.C.A. Bikers Against Child Abuse. A friend called them and they ended up with menacing group of escorts. The guys were really quite nice it worked out well for them.

Thank you all so much for all the wonderful advice !

Sorry I have not been back to update sooner than this. Been busy working on implementing much of the advice I have been given.

Will have a more in depth update after meeting with my lawyer on Fri.

Thank you all so much for thinking of me.. Really has helped so much giving me a direction instead of just feeling like a deer caught in headlights.

bump you ok?

I've been wondering too...

Thanks for thinking of me..

My PC is still down while I wait for my vid card. Kept hoping it would show up then I could post an update from a reg keyboard instead of my phone. Nearly three weeks I have been going through the claim process.. Grrrrrrrrr.. Finally have a tracking number that promises it to be delivered by turtle on wed.

Anyway..in regards to my ex.. Have not heard a peep from him since that series of calls a few weeks ago. He goes through phases like this when he makes weekly calls wanting to see DD then back to his once every 6-8 weeks pattern. I am hoping he goes poof again .. Ugh

So much of me just wants to look away and pretend there is no threat .. It is so hard to actually talk about it since it makes it so much more present/real.

Yes, I know I can''t afford the luxury of doing that .. I just want to.

It is nice to be able to share that feeling with folks that understand .. Since I just get confused looks from most.

I did meet with my lawyer.. Was hoping there would be a way he could work all this out in advance, but he advised against taking that route. He wanted a slower ramping up of hopps ex would have to go through. He does not believe that ex has the patience to met the steeps required of him to be able to have solo visitation.

If ex continues to pursue then hopefully I can get him to agree to supervised visitation for a few hours at my house. Lawyer strongly advised for it to be at my house and not a public spot ..He also advised I hire security for the visit. Preferably someone who would know how to handle things in the best possible manner if ex .. Well if ex decided to be a underhanded rage addicted SOB.

The best possible senecio is if I have notice about him showing up..

More than likely that will not happen. He probably will fly off the handle if I email him that he can only see her at the house for a few hours .

I am still in my condo atm .. An address that is not listed in my name. It is also a rather populated spot. Will not be moving into the new place till I have the security system installed not this week but next. Putting in inside and outside cameras and sensors on everything that can be opened or broken. Ugh ..

Ex was tossing around march/April as being possible .. But everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie, so your guess is as good as mine as to when I may be having mr anger management show up ..

Lets just hope he found some new young piece of ass to bang.. Maybe a few .. Anything to keep him occupied and far away.

Ohh I did not mention this before .. OWife has been tagging him in pics on FB. He never posts pics of her and the only way I see these things is due to her tagging him in photos so all his friends see. This is the only reason I know he has a daughter by her..or the extent of their vacations, which is helpful, legally since he states he never gets vacation time to come visit DD

The recent photos he looks utterly miserable.

[This message edited by Selkie at 6:29 PM, February 9th, 2014 (Sunday)]

Holy crap autocorrect nearly made that unreadable grrr

Going to go back and edit.. Give me a min

I would highly recommend looking up the nearest US consulate or embassy to where he lives in SE Asia and emailing their consular department. If he manages to get her away from you and onto a plane, the consulate is who will be your hands on the ground to try to recover her. If they have advance knowledge that he may have a black market foreign passport for her, etc. they can be better prepared to deal with the situation, and ideally get her back at the airport. Make sure you have clear, recent photos as well, and compile all her vital info, and his, into one place so you won't waste time doing it in the worst case scenario that something happens to her.

I've always been a hope for the best, prepare for the worst person.

No news is good news, right?

He finally let slip the real reason he is coming, and as many guessed it is not for his daughter.

His drivers license is expiring and he needs to continue to use one of my addresses to renew. Of course he did not ask, just mentioned his DL was expiring. I believe he assumes I will continue to let him use that addy.

Explains why he has being creepy nice nice.

What a load off my back after figuring out where his slime trail was leading.

After some thought I figured I would take advantage of his seeming benevolence ..

Since my daughters passport is expired I did research on what needed to be done to renew without him present. Sent the paperwork to him which he had to fill out and have notarized.

Only took him three weeks. Which is an improvement over never..

Getting a passport makes it just that much harder for him to try to smuggle her out since he can not get one legally, now.

Also, perhaps DD and I can take a cruise.

We live close to a port so they are pretty darn cheap here. I do not care what anyone tells you, you need a passport for most of the big ship cruises. Even the ones that appear to just go to US destinations. As a single parent you also need a permission letter from the other parent.

Sounds pretty simple, right? A letter saying I can take DD where ever..or so I though..no such luck. The letter needs to have dates, flight number, addresses where I can be reached and even..passport numbers. Passport numbers? Oh hell no..That would make it just so much easier for him to forge documents. Also to get all this info I would already have to book everything and await his majesties pleasure on weather he would grant me the letter. No letter = no go and lose all money.

Yeah with his track record ..yeah..that's a tall glass of nope.

After looking around I was able to find what looks to be a fantastic cruise on a smaller ship in Alaska. No passport or permission letter needed. Woot! And its a family friendly cruise! Going to take DD to see humpback whales! She is beside herself with excitement.

I get to the passport office and found out he forgot to include half the documents and had multiple cross-outs. Looks like he tried to fill out another name, thought better of it, and then wrote his? WTF? Then again when dealing with him I should just expect overflowing wtf..great rivers of it..

He finally called the other day after nearly another month of no contact. He said he would send the needed documents for the passport ASAP ( ) DD told him immediately about the cruise. I expected him to immediately ask when we were going so he could plan his trip over accordingly. Well that's what a normal person would do right? Well he did not ask dates, month, ship, or destination. He just asked how much I was paying for DDs after school activities, then proceeded to chew me out since I was paying too much..wtf?

Getting chewed out was amusing, of course I didn't react. Was actually smiling since, I am no longer married to this never ending source of malicious crazy. It was also a good sign since if he actually had plans to come over he would have asked for the dates I was gone ..right? Perhpas he will just fly in for a few days and get the DL renewed and we will happen to be away..far away

I really want to thank everyone again for all the support you gave me in this thread. I was totally beside myself in fear. His threats turned out to be a good thing. Without them I would not have come here and made this post and received so many words of wisdom, which gave me a great sense of empowerment.

Will come and post updates as they present themselves..but for right now..no news is pretty damn good news

Well now, that was kind of a mixed bag of news!!!

I'm glad his true motives showed themselves, so you can breathe a little easier about your DD.

Keep us posted!

Hi Selkie,

Just saw this thread and am so relieved for you and your DD that he just wants to get license renewed. I did want to chime in on the cruise. You absolutely do not need to put all that info in your letter. I have cruised with my kids without my husband and while I had a letter, it didn't have any passport numbers, just listed the dates of travel, ship name and countries to be visited. There is a template online that I found. I can find it a bit later and link it. I was not asked for the letter either time although I did have it. Just FYI.