SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have only told one friend and then I forbade her to speak of it again because I knew she would just preach to me even though she knows I am an atheist. I haven't told any family. I have no doubt my mother would blame me. I just don't want to hear her judgemental crap. She blamed all of my brother's ex-wives for his affairs so I am positive on how she would react. I have thought about talking to my brother-in-law. My sister just left him for another man so I know he would get it but I have only met him a few times so I am not very comfortable with that. I feel very much alone in this since I have no one.

[This message edited by LotusFlwr at 3:14 PM, January 27th (Monday)]

His parents. I've told no one. I have a dr appointment next week, so guess I'll be telling them. Not looking forward to that at all. I don't even know how to start and my friends have their own stresses.

I don't know how I'd even start. I was shocked I could post it here but it is almost like putting it in a journal. Just writing it down feels better. Sort of.

It's been 25 days since dday and now my SIL, best friend and my mother know. I tried not telling anyone but it's hard because I felt I needed to talk about it so I didn't go insane!

Pretty much like PASS posted on here. All my family knows because I need their support. I have told no one in his family except his mom knows I kicked him out. She asked if it was another woman and I told her I couldn't tell her but that pretty much answered it.

My whole office knows because I had to ask for full time hours and I worked part time and it's very small. Most of my friends. My gyno because I got std testing. My son's teachers have a hint because he is having a very very rough time. As PASS said, pretty much the bartender,paper boy, etc. LOL The more people that know the more support I feel. When you are married 27 years people wonder and I just tell them I told him to live with his girlfriend.

When my WH's first A happened three years ago, I didn't tell anybody except my one lifelong friend who is a locked box. We went through MC and reconciled and for me it was the best way to heal.

When I found out about the second A last year, I didn't tell anybody because I wanted to R. But went the A continued for months and months, I realized I was helping him keep his dirty little secret and I was living in isolation. Once I started telling my family and close friends, it was like a huge burden was lifted. The support and encouragement has been wonderful, and my friends don't have to worry anymore that I was dying of cancer because of my inexplicable weight loss from stress.

Examine your motives: If you are telling for revenge or punishment, that's not a healthy reason. If you are telling to help your own recovery, then go for it. It's very freeing. Keep your chin up!

I've only told one friend, and that was because I thought I would need a place to stay. The reason I have chosen to keep quiet is twofold: One reason is because I can't handle the thought of my friends or family feeling sorry for me. The other reason is because seven months out I still cannot bear to say the words "He cheated on me" out loud.

But tomorrow is our first appointment with the MC, so I guess I'll have to add another to the list and say those words, no matter how hard or distasteful I find them.

[This message edited by RemainingWed at 10:17 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

I expose his affair to all our family and close friend. His mom and dad were so mad at him. Everyone called and blamed him. If I didn't expose the affair would have never ended.

I told my close friends and my father, and now that we're trying to R I sorta regret it. Some of my friends say they are supportive of my decision to stay, but I can sense they think I'm doing the wrong thing and being naive, and that my WH will hurt me again/do it again. My father (although I needed him for a shoulder to cry on) hates his guts, making everything more difficult. I feel like staying in my cave and not talking to anyone about anything. And the more torrid details I uncover, the less I want to talk to other people because I feel so embarrassed and dumb!!

Everybody. STBXWW is unrepentive, unremorseful, and ended up moving in with the OM. so, I held nothing back.

It's a very personal decision.

But just remember that secrets usually end up being toxic.

My best friend. Then she told her husband after I asked her not to tell anyone, actually he guessed it after she told him we were having problems. She asked him how he knew and he said "because he's the type that would." Then she told a coworker of hers I'm acquainted with who went through infidelity during her first marriage. It's awkward. I'm still good friends with her but have noticed we haven't been invited to their house since. She doesn't understand why I'm still in my marriage after such a long deception. There is somewhat of a stigma those who stay acquire from other women, something I didn't actually realize but know now.

As for his family. They've suspected all during that time and let me know this but I haven't confided in them. My side of the family, the few of them that are, haven't a clue.

Oh, EB, I feel for you. I found out about 6 months into my marriage, and it had been going on since before we were married. Every time I'm asked "if marriage is what I expected" or "if it's true that the first year of marriage is the hardest", I'm always tempted to say, "Sure, but I imagine it'd be much easier with a faithful spouse....."

I initially told only my best friend. I wholeheartedly planned on R and I assumed my family and others would pressure me to leave him. I eventually told my mom and sister, and their responses surprised me. They have been incredibly supportive of me, and I wish I had told them sooner.

I have begged and begged WH to tell his family. I think it's been very obvious that something has been going on with us, and I hate that they have no idea it's his fault. I also think they'd be very helpful in bringing him to a real place of remorse. He has refused to tell them, but my best friend has encouraged me to just bite the bullet and tell them myself.

WH has been unhappy with me for telling people for fear of what they'll think of him, but I have no empathy for him on that regard. If he didn't want people to think he was an asshole, he shouldn't have been an asshole.

WH has been unhappy with me for telling people for fear of what they'll think of him, but I have no empathy for him on that regard. If he didn't want people to think he was an asshole, he shouldn't have been an asshole.

YES!!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!!

I've told one friend - she's been through the same thing and so I knew she wouldn't judge. She told her husband and one other friend of hers.

So whoever you tell, they will probably pass it on.

I feel bad sometimes not telling other people who I am close to but justify it to myself by thinking it my business and that I have changed my thinking/feeling so much it would be traumatic to have to keep them up to date. I have enough trouble organising my own feelings.

WBF has told 2 people, but he says not much detail because its not something he's proud of.

I'm glad that I haven't told everyone. As we move through it and things get better it seems more Ok to talk about it - but not yet. I would get the "why didn't you tell me!?" question anyway.