Wow - so many horrible moments in one story.
First, I doubt OWBS knows. He would have called his wife and told her to tell her boyfriend to have you back off. To call your H directly? I'm betting that this guy thinks he and your WH are friends, which means OW introduced them. Sick.
Second, if the house is in your name, that means you bought it. Since you aren't giving it away and back to his family, I wouldn't worry about it. Has his family contacted you to support you? If not, then you're concerning yourself with people that aren't concerned for you. They probably knew he was planning this.
Third - and most importantly - many of these relationships with someone from the past isn't about the person, it's about the past. Talking to someone from our past brings us back to that time. It makes us feel young, and somehow the memories of the breakup leave.
My H had an EA with an ex from his teenage years. Many others have the same story. It's much more about going back in time mentally than it is anything else. They're all the same. My H even said he was so glad she was back in his life, and also posted songs, etc. It's all very reminiscent of my boyfriend from back in 5th grade. I told my H that if it weren't him, and it didn't cause so much damage to me, I would actually laugh at how pathetic and immature he was, slobbering after some thing from the past like a love sick 10 year old.
Try again to get in touch with OWBS. He may know, but he may not. Don't leave a message. Keep calling until he answers. It just makes no sense that he's calling your WH asking about you and why you're calling. If he knew, he would know why you're calling. And he damned sure wouldn't be friends with your H to the point that he's calling him wondering what you may want.
As for your H - he really is amazing huh? Not paying bills, getting angry when caught, being amazingly irresponsible - sounds like someone that is acting like a teenager huh? LIke I said, back in time.
You did NOTHING to cause this. You trusted your H. You've been being lied to and betrayed for months. Dig into his computer. Send it to a specialist if you must, but get all of the details. Even if you're in a no fault state, let your H know you'll be dragging ALL of their sick, immature 'love messages' into court, and then, once a matter of public record, letting the entire world see what kind of 'man' he is if he tries to take one cent from you.
If he wants to leave, fine, but he does it with things that are his and his alone - clothes and toiletries. Everything else belongs to YOU.
And think about selling the house. If his family doesn't like this, just let them know they are free to make an offer on the home. If it's a fair offer and you accept, they have the home back. If it's not the best offer, or if it isn't a fair offer, then don't sell to them. Again - how many of them have called you to offer support? And how many of them do you think actually had no idea?
(((((WinterBranch)))))
It's time to start focusing on you and your next steps. After all, even if he came home today begging to be forgiven, could you? He's been extremely cold, and this kind of blindsiding is very telling about what kind of person he is inside, and that's a not so nice one.
You've been through so much, and you're holding on wonderfully. I recommend getting into a counselor's office, and calling your physician to see about some short term anti-anxiety medication. I didn't want to do that, but after several months, I finally gave in. They help, much more than I thought they would.
We're here whenever you need support, or to vent, or simply someone to hear you.
