SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anything public on your profile can be seen even if the other person doesn't have a facebook.

Two quick and easy settings you can change to lock things down:

1. Click on the little lock at the top right corner, and a drop down will open. Click "See more settings" at the bottom of that drop down. Your settings page will open.

On the left side bar, click Privacy if it's not already selected. Look for "Limit the audience for posts you've shared with friends of friends or Public?" under "Who can see my stuff?" Click the linked text to the right and it'll open the section.

Click the Limit Old Posts button, and it'll lock everything that you had as Public or Friends of Friends down to Friends. Anything you had more selectively shared will stay how you posted it.

2. On that same settings page, look for "Do you want other search engines to link to your timeline?" under "Who can look me up?"

When you click the linked text to the right, you'll see a check box in the section that opens - uncheck it.

Unless you're a public figure with a public profile that you want people to see for marketing purposes, there's really no good reason to have your profile indexed on search engines. This means, if your ex (or anyone) searches your name on Google, your profile would come up and he can get to it. If you're not indexed on search engines, he HAS to go to facebook to search for you. To search facebook, you have to be logged in. Not that it's hard to set up an account, but it's one small step that keeps you a little more private.

Even if you did do all of the things he's accusing you of it isn't illegal.

He's mad at you. So.fucking.what?

I don't understand why anything he says bothers you. The sad clown thinks I'm the devil incarnate. I think he's a loser. He threatened me with an AVO and all sorts of ridiculous legal action because I called him and his whore whores. It made me laugh out loud.

Nothing he is accusing you of is illegal. Ignore it and block his email so you don't even have to see it.

Thank you Amazonia. I'm going to check my settings and do that now.

My daughter came home from work and said her mind was so messed up she couldn't focus on anything. This is so cruel and selfish.

(((((mia))))))

I'm assuming that he is talking about this site - as this is the only place that you've even mentioned the xh.. he can google a line of that letter he sent and this will come up, so if you don't want him to confirm that this is you, you may want to delete that..

did you ever post a picture here?

I think that you've actually been restrained in what you've said. He is angry because he is going to "lose face" if his children aren't at his wedding. That's really what I think this is about. As the date approaches, he is panicked about his reputation publicly, and he is lashing out at you. It's also possible that when taking stock of who is actually coming to his wedding, he is having to face that fact that his "friends and family list" is not as robust as he'd like. Well, that's all on him - you have nothing to do with that. If I was his soon to be wifetress, I'd be pretty upset that he was focusing so much head-space on you..

You have done anything to "defame" or slander him.. he has no case. Your then- adult children made their own decisions about him.. and given his behavior, it's absolutely understandable.

My own daughter has come to a similar decision about her father - and has, after several years now, cut communication. She is happier with that and is remarkably insightful about all of his failings as a human being - and I never said one negative word about him to her. Your kids can see for themselves what he is like and have made decisions.. he has to live with that consequence and it isn't making him happy..

boo hoo!

ignore him. He has no case against you.

I expressed sadness over your lack of commitment to getting training for the new careers I chosen for you.

Seriously he thinks he gets to choose your career? What a tool! Poor little baby no one wants him to be happy. Cry me a river!

You need to go NC, don't reply to the email. Block him completely, no phone email or anything else from him. If he wants to contact you it's via a lawyer. If threats continue contact the police.

Please lock your fb down, delete anything that might be misleading.

Do you have any friends or family that might be still 'friends' with him possibly sharing things you are sharing on FB even accidently? This happened to a friend and it turned out it was her own family that were doing it as they were still 'friends' with her lying cheating ex POS.

Please block all people with the name of your ex and OW. People might inadvertently comment on something of yours and then it appears in their newsfeed.

Lock your page & photos down.

Get your children to do this as well because if they are 'friends' with them they will be able to access your info. I have my children on restricted access I can see everything they have on Fb but they can't see anything on my page except my profile pic and background picture. I did this on purpose so the ex couldn't use their pages to gain info about me.

Their is also a function in the security settings, where you can view your page as a public member as well. It's a good way to see what others can see.

There was a woman here years ago whose STBX found her SI profile and printed off hundreds of pages of her posts and took them to court. They were promptly thrown out by a judge with the admonition that if he hadn't done what he did, she wouldn't need to seek advice and comfort from an ANONYMOUS support board.

Yeah... the Doosh did this. Actually gave them to my boss, and then used them in court. The judge was not impressed and in the end my posts damaged his case instead of helped- complete idiot. May as well have come out to the judge and said "I cheated!!"

I know how nerve wracking it is when you are just living your life and they throw a little wrench in... Best thing to do is ignore this until you truly need to deal with him in court. Since that is unlikely, then worrying about it is only borrowing stress!

I do feel sad for your kids now being stuck dealing with their loser father.

So the summary is that he is angry no one wants to go to his wedding and he says this is your fault for talking bad about him.

You didn't talk bad about him and he's been gone since 2005.

If this is correct you have nothing to worry about.

I mean what could he really do? Your kids are grown up, there is no financial tie. If he tried to sue you for that it seems like he would be laughed out of the courtroom.

Random thoughts -

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[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:23 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)]

Hi miadianna,

I haven't read through all these pages, but just wanted to tell you that my STBX has threatened many times to sue me for defamation. He's a lawyer, too.

He also tried to put me in jail for using a key logger I didn't use (and can prove it).

For the key logger debacle, I had to talk to criminal attorneys, who saw my proof (and actually helped me to locate/identify this proof) and then talked me through this sort of thing. It is very difficult to sue someone for defamation. I think it's safe to say that it will be thrown out of court if he really tries to do it. The only problem is that you would probably need to hire an attorney to defend you at the first hearing.

So you don't want to get into that situation in the first place. You could either hire an attorney to write him a nasty letter right now. Or, if not, I would just ignore him and his threats. Go no contact.

I do agree with the others here about locking down social media. And I'm worried about you posting here. It's always been my biggest fear that STBX would find my posts here. And yes, if he continues to threaten you, you could hire an attorney to write to him, or call the police if it gets worse.

Sigh. He sounds mentally ill, just like my STBX. I'm sorry you're going through all this stress.

My ex and OW took me to court over this, so I'll share my experience.

They (or their lawyer, rather) printed out over 300 pages of my personal blog, as well as several Twitter posts. It is locked, as is my blog (Wordpress account that required permission to access), but my ex's job is a forensic technology expert for law firms...so essentially he is used by lawyers to find evidence that clients want to hide.

Needless to say, NOTHING of mine is ever "hidden" or "locked".

In order for something to be slander, it must be false. I never lied. Yes, I wrote about their affair, and occasionally snarked about their antics on my locked Twitter account. But it was all TRUE.

As far as defamation of character, that's *extremely* difficult to prove, particularly if what you're saying is TRUE. I go back to that old adage "if you don't want anyone to find out what you're doing, don't do it".

In my case, the judge granted a MUTUAL injunction (even though I didn't argue anything about them - I don't ever look or follow them on social media so I have no idea what they say. I was even questioned on the stand by their lawyer "and do they post disparaging comments about you?" to which I coolly replied "I have no idea. I'm not interested in what THEY write on social media. I'm too busy with my own life" - that ended her line of questioning) on FURTHER postings. Even then, she only granted it with the explanation that my oldest is getting to the age where he could possibly find my blog online, and she felt it was in the best interest of the children for all parties to not post anything disparaging about the other. I didn't get "in trouble" - I didn't even get admonished by the judge - it was more of a "let's move forward and try to be nice for the sake of the kids" type of thing.

I really wouldn't worry about it. My hunch is that he's acting like a bully and trying to intimidate you.

Don't even acknowledge this with a response of "okay". This reads like the ramblings of an extremely disturbed, unhinged person. A bat-shit crazy person. The kind who walks down the street & barks at people.

This. What a nutjob! Good luck to his new bride.

I would block him on everything. This is worth a couple hundred bucks to your attorney to send him a strongly worded cease and desist letter immediately. He is coocoo for cocoa puffs and he doesn't get to abuse you..he has a new bride to be to take that shit.

[This message edited by NoMorDeceit at 7:00 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)]

My guess.

He is scaring you hoping you will show the email to your kids. He knows they will not want him to hurt you in anyway so he is hoping this will make them go to the wedding to keep the peace. As in see dad, mom didn't keep us from you. He knows your kids love you and will do anything to help and is using that angle to make them come to the wedding.

You already said your daughter is upset over this.

So if your daughter does decide to go to keep the peace and knowing she is not a drinker you may want to suggest she have a drink to take the edge off. LOl then maybe she will tell those stories.

Yes he and OW are bored. Got monotonous so started planning a wedding. Planning complete. Bored again. Need you to attack.

Yes. This is all about the wedding; about the fear of losing face and needing, or genuinely wanting, his children to be there.

I think he's also worried about the expense of the wedding, and perhaps about money generally. Hence the jibes about the tennis and telling you what an evil, money-grabbing ex-wife you are.

I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. He's just trying every tactic he can think of. Think of it as a back-handed compliment. Because even though your daughter is refusing to attend, he obviously believes that if YOU ask her to go, she will.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 2:44 PM, May 9th (Friday)]

See, I'm a bitch, so were I your daughter (and my parents' situation was similar--my father was/is a serial cheat),

I would GO to that wedding. I would GO to the wedding and my "funny little anecdote" would go like this:

"oh I remember the day my father brought Mrs. Slutface Whore into my life. See, he was married to MY MOTHER at the time, and he'd been cheating for a very, very long time. But, he DESERVES to be HAPPY, so here he is HAPPY with his slutty whore, Voldemart, whom I hate with every fiber of my being, and if you didn't get it, I hate him, too. I hope you both have the marriage you deserve, and by that I mean I hope you both show your true colors and cheat on each other until the very sight of each other makes you want to vomit on each other's designer pillowcases. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you."

Then I'd probably throw my glass of champagne in their faces and walk out.

But, again, I'm a bitch, and I don't care if my father likes me.

See, I'm a bitch, so were I your daughter (and my parents' situation was similar--my father was/is a serial cheat),

I would GO to that wedding. I would GO to the wedding and my "funny little anecdote" would go like this:

"oh I remember the day my father brought Mrs. Slutface Whore into my life. See, he was married to MY MOTHER at the time, and he'd been cheating for a very, very long time. But, he DESERVES to be HAPPY, so here he is HAPPY with his slutty whore, Voldemart, whom I hate with every fiber of my being, and if you didn't get it, I hate him, too. I hope you both have the marriage you deserve, and by that I mean I hope you both show your true colors and cheat on each other until the very sight of each other makes you want to vomit on each other's designer pillowcases. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you."

Then I'd probably throw my glass of champagne in their faces and walk out.

But, again, I'm a bitch, and I don't care if my father likes me.

itainteasy, I am pretty sure that we are soul mates !