SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's been weeks since I've posted. Tonight is the first night in a long time that I feel I have to post or I'll go crazy.

The brief update is... Yes he left. Yes I survived.

Yes he went to see whore bag (pardon language). Yes I survived.

Then he came back from visiting whore bag.

Here's the mind f***.

He's out of the fog. Off the fence. He wants his family back.

Remorseful or regretful???? I don't know yet, I suppose time and actions will tell.

He's joined SI. I don't know if he's posted yet. I said I wouldn't read his posts and I won't.

He's closing email accounts.

He's getting new phone numbers.

He's deactivated any apps that they used to chat on.

He's said he will go to counselling.

He's writing a no contact letter for me to read and post.

He's told her to leave him alone by message (I've seen it) and her response tonight has been to throw accusations about abortions, threats to call me and to plaster photos of him and her on the internet.

Argh!!!!!

I never expected to be in this situation where I'm being asked to re conciliate. I'll admit I'm feeling lost.

It's up to you but here's my take: There is a lot of "he said"s in your post. I'd stay the course with the divorce until you see what he DOES. Actions speak louder than words and so far based on your update his only actions were to choose to fly overseas presumably to turn an EA into a PA. What changed his mind? The logistics of an overseas affair? I'm sorry I don't mean to sound negative. I would just caution you to be careful. Make him do the heavy lifting. You can always R, don't let him play you into stopping the D. Make him show you through actions what he's willing to do. Be willing to lose your M to save it. Don't be plan b. I would be especially worried about OW abortion comments. Is she claiming to be pregnant now? Good luck CSITD and stay strong.

Yes its important to know what changed. Ask him to show you more messages and just spend time listening to him. What do her messages mean? Ask him about each one and just listen. Its important to know as much as possible otherwise it means he and she share some things that you are not part of. Hang in there.

Keep on with the divorce. If he is seriously a changed man you can always remarry if you want.

What happened? He flew to U.S. and realized she did not live up to his fantasy.

Had she lived up to his fantasy, he would not be trying to come back to you.

Think about that.

Divorce him. Get your assets and get your house. Kick his ass out of the house and tell him to go to IC for a year minimum and, you might consider letting him prove to you that he's worth re-marrying. With an ironclad prenup.

Or, if you think that you have the slightest interest in trying to R, get yourself an ironclad post-nup nailing down all of your assets, then he does IC, etc., and you consider if you want to stay married to him or not.

But do not let him even think that because he got his whore out of his system, that he gets to come home without proving to you that he's worth the gum on your shoe. Don't forget one damned thing that he put you through over the last 3, count-em, 3 DDays. What HE wants is immaterial. What do YOU want? And how can you best protect yourself and your child? That's the important thing.

There is a lot of "he said"s in your post. I'd stay the course with the divorce until you see what he DOES. Actions speak louder than words

This. Definitely this. A lot of us here have heard or are still hearing a lot of words with little action. Consistent actions over time will tell.

If he is seriously a changed man you can always remarry if you want

Agreed. You need healing, he needs to get his shit together. This takes time on both sides - take care of yourself, heal, grow and hopefully he'll do the same. Be good to yourself, get strong, learn your worth and don't accept anything less than what you deserve.

It didn't work out with OW3, so he has the bright idea you will have him back and all will be forgiven. That is until the itch gets him going again. He will start trolling the websites and pursuing again. That is his pattern. He will use his old tactics with the poems and life with continue on as he feeds his ego at your and your son's expense. Don't go down this road, at least not now.

Don't stop the D. The threat of it didn't stop him from going to MI to meet OW in person. Guess she wasn't as hot as he expected, so he quit her. (Also kind of his pattern to quit people). So now he needs to prove to you he is worth risking your security and sanity on.

He says he wants his family. Ok, what is he doing about building a R with your son? Is he stepping up and being a real dad? Or is he just working on your emotions to give him a soft landing from his latest screw up? Don't forget all through this he didn't care what you were feeling, he didn't care about his son, and he refused to give her up and he whined that you kicked him out of your bed. You didn't backing down as you had to protect yourself while he played. Stay strong. If he doesn't make major changes you will be dealing with OW4, 5, & 6.

If after 9- 12 months he has done the work then let him date you and see how the R progresses. He make quit because it will be work to fix this mess, and frankly as he is now, I don't think he has it in him. He wants easy.

[This message edited by momentintime at 1:40 AM, September 9th (Tuesday)]

for these two...

He's closing email accounts.

He's deactivated any apps that they used to chat on.

Don't let him close or delete them. Tell him to open them, you change the address or security questions that can reopen them and you change the passwords then close or delete them. This way there is no way for him to try to reactivate them . I did this with my husband's IM's and his alt email account. It was more for my peace of mind.