SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know your need to send her an e-mail but if you're expectingf her to sympathise with you, forget it.

On d-day I posted something like two-faced bitch on her fb page. Her fb was rapidly taken down.

Wrote 2 visceral, brief e-mails to her, informing her that I knew what was going on and her H now knew too. Also told her any bold c*** would have done (true).

Several days later I received an insulting, hypocritical,grovelling e-mail from her saying she 'never meant for any of it to happen' and signed off with'all my heart'....you get the drift, trying to minimise damage and cover her arse. Her husband couldn't believe the cheek of it when I showed him. Well it had the opposite effect,made my blood boil and I let rip to her in a long e-mail, told her exactly what I thought of her which wasn't pretty. Also indicated that my rage at her was out of control, and whilst not actively seeking her out I wouldn't be responsible for my actions if I ever saw her. It had the desired effect, it gave me a chance to vent my feelings, gave me a chance to tell her a few home truths which I'd been too polite to tell her in the past(I'd known her for years), and apparently left her cowering in her house and rented appartment in case I caught sight of her. Yes it was a pretty vindictive e-mail but I don't regret any of it, sent a copy to my H and her H, and at least I felt there were finally some consequences from her actions as she was completely unremorseful both during and after the LTA.

Finally, nearly a year after d-day, and once I'd made sure her H would be ok financially whatever happened between them, I e-mailed her work and university where she was doing a phD sending copies of the some of the juicier e-mails to show how she'd used work time, office space, work e-mail to continue the A and download large quantities of porn (strictly against their code of conduct). Don't know the effect this had on her job or studies, I actually don't care, but I know she was called to book over it and I love imagining how she would squirm!

So sending an e-mail can be very cathartic, but don't expect her to see anything from your point of view, don't prostrate yourself and your hurt in front of her, as others have said she really couldn't care less. But sending the right e-mail to the right person can feel really good. No regrets on my part.

I think your pain is talking and thinking here. And you want to spread the pain. You have an unremorseful fence sitting husband. That IS painful. And in situations like this, we do what we can to disburse the pain. But neither OW nor the company owner are invested in that pain like you are. You need to not focus on either of them and instead of trying to "show them" you need to show your H what he is doing to you

What he is doing is wrong and selfish. You need to get a handle on that before you start trying to handle remote third parties in all of this.

Cantgetup, I agree. Most of the problem, if not all of it is his true lack of real remorse.

Just yesterday - female friend of WS and OW texted my husband on whats app. We both saw it at the same time and he apologized. He said he would not respond. I said you need to remove those apps from your phone. He agreed, but as of today they are still on his phone. I mentioned this again this morning and he said he did not have time to do it yet. I said you need to have some basic human compassion here. How would you like it if you were in my shoes and my OM's friend was texting me? hello???

He keeps using the excuse that he needs a cheap way to call that country because of doing business with (blank). Well I know (blank) and (blank) can text him thru his regular messaging or use Skype. (Blank) does not need to reach him thru whats app or vonage app. (blank) has never contacted him thru those apps yet so I know this is an excuse to hang onto the past.

Cantgetup, I agree. Most of the problem, if not all of it is his true lack of real remorse.

Just yesterday - female friend of WS and OW texted my husband on whats app. We both saw it at the same time and he apologized. He said he would not respond. I said you need to remove those apps from your phone. He agreed, but as of today they are still on his phone. I mentioned this again this morning and he said he did not have time to do it yet. I said you need to have some basic human compassion here. How would you like it if you were in my shoes and my OM's friend was texting me? hello???

He keeps using the excuse that he needs a cheap way to call that country because of doing business with (blank). Well I know (blank) and (blank) can text him thru his regular messaging or use Skype. (Blank) does not need to reach him thru whats app or vonage app. (blank) has never contacted him thru those apps yet so I know this is an excuse to hang onto the past.

I contacted the other woman. I am 5 days from DD and just trying to put one foot in front of the other. She is his assistant at work but out on maternity leave. Yep! Just delivered my husbands baby. She is married and supposedly her husband knows. She would not answer my phone calls. I texted her telling her that when she decided to fuck a married man, he comes with a wife and kids. Told her I couldn't wait to be a step mom she called him the next day saying she wanted him to relinquish his parental rights (he has none) no DNA and her husband is on the birth certificate. Also in a few of my messages, I told her that if she wants him as a part of the babies life the we will split custody 50/50. Probably should not have contacted but will admit it gave me a feeling of having a little power over the situation.

Fell like I am living a Jerry Springer episode.

If H doesn't take that deal, he is crazy and you'll be paying for his craziness for the next 18+ years. Sorry to be so mercenary, but that's the way it is. Either he'll be a doting father and triggering you every time the innocent kid is there, or he'll be an absent father, but paying for the privilege in the form of child support.

See a lawyer before making any decisions. This one has to be legally binding or its worthless.

bat - just make sure you have all your legal Ts crossed and Is dotted. He'll have to do a DNA to prove paternity to then look into relinquishing rights. Not being on the birth cert isn't enough if she later decides to go after him for paternity + back child support.

12yearsloyal,

I suggest you GO NO CONTACT with everyone involved in this sordid mess - and that includes OW and anyone else she choose to engage in a sexual relationship with: It's really none of your business who chooses to have sex with this WOMAN - and it has nothing to do with YOUR MARRIAGE.

SO - I suggest you leave it alone.

How does contacting your WH's boss and telling him he's having sex with your WH's ex-whore resolve ANYTHING in your life?

It doesn't.

So - in my opinion: You need to leave it alone; and either concentrate on your own marriage...or file for a divorce.

Hi 12yearsloyal! I would say yes send the letter. The way you describe it, no name calling or foul language. Even if she does not care, there is a chance that some of the things you write will sink in and maybe make her a bit less of a slut. Also, I strongly believe in Karma and even if she doesn't care ... you know what I mean.

Sending you a big virtual hug - stay strong!

Whoops sorry I should have read all the other posts first...

[This message edited by Tigaress at 10:18 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]