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I don't remember the exact date but I do know it was summer 2000 (the first D-day; there were a few over the years). But I absolutely remember us being in the kitchen, him sitting at the table, me standing over him, and him telling me he refused to stop seeing OW1, even though I asked him to.

The dates have faded in my mind - I can point to the year and approximate month but nothing closer than that.

Even so... I will never forget how each one made me feel.

I find myself feeling crappy, really down or short and bitchy and then happen to see the calendar and it's one of the 3 consecutive Dday's. It's like my subconscious knows before I do.

It's 11 months out, so I guess that's early, especially considering WH still isn't willing to actually deal with the A details or healing. He's trying to be a model H in many other ways he hasn't been for our almost 13 years of M. But the core of the A's, is off limits in his wheel house.

3 Ddays (right now I trigger every month)

8/8/13 - slept with prosititue

8/9/13 - I found her hair and makeup smeared all over the hotel sheets, he denied

8/10/13 - Continued denial to my face while still in hotel, I forced him to open his yahoo account, he had deleted messages in his inbox and his deleted folder, but forgot about the sent items folder, I found the hooker communication and arrangement making emails.

I'm not looking forward to those 3 days next month. WH doesn't even know they exist on the calendar.

9/9/13; our 18th wedding anniversary. Found out that he had just ended a 7 week affair with old girlfriend who had been a friend of mine for about four years as a teenager.

10/25/13; found out that the affair in the summer was the 2nd affair. He confessed to having had a short affair with the same OW 13 years earlier, when my son was about 5 months old.

They are two dates that I will never forget. In fact, in light of the secret affair 5 years into our marriage, 13 years ago, I feel like I will NEVER be able to "celebrate" our wedding anniversary even if I my dday was not on the actual date. Truly does suck, as does affair season which took place during my favorite time of year; summer.

For me it feels like my ex died on that day and someone knocked on my door to say "Hey, surprise, surprise! You're H's is dead and by the way he had absolutely no respect for you whatsoever for the entire 25 years of your marriage" WHAM!

For the first two years the 20th November seemed like the anniversary of a death but funnily enough last year the date went past without me noticing. This year I intend to do something wonderful on that day to create a new significance to the date. Why should these days be forever tainted thanks to our stupid WS's? Why give them the power?

EJ

[This message edited by Ellejay at 6:31 PM, July 18th (Friday)]

Gemini71 said it, you never forget the day your world came crashing down on you and around you everything you thought to b safe you found out wasn't that day

We will be seven years out from my dday in August. ....but I forgot the date ....

I have to go back to a calendar for 2007 to figure it out, but I can't be bothered.

It used to be a day I held my breath through. ..... now it's a time I/we just breeze by. Holding onto it has no meaning anymore.

The date is burned into my psyche forever. Also my children reference it because they all found out at the same time. It was 3 days after our 18th wedding anniversary and he had given me a card which says we are peas in a pod... And then wrote that I guess I didn't figure on a snoring pea.

Wrong! I didn't figure on a cheating pea!

So many dates from 2010 are triggers for me.

My gut knew months before my mind that something was terribly, dreadfully wrong. The big date was 9-4-2010. That was Dday, though I did not know it at the time. Then 9-24-2010, when H filed for divorce and left the country. I came home that day to find everything of his gone. Every time I walk into our closet I remember how it felt to encounter his side of it completely empty. Then 11-7-2010. That is when OW called to "introduce" herself to me in an attempt to get me to reject WH, who had just left her.

At least two-thirds of me died in 2010.

October 31. Halloween. How could I ever fucking forget that???