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wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 2:35 AM on Monday, August 4th, 2014
Posting as a member.
But as far as for a BS, I personally don't feel it matters to me if my FWH loved me during the affair or not
That's the beauty of the Wayward Forum. It's not for BS's to work out their feelings. It's for Waywards to work out their feelings 
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:35 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]
FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Wayflost ( member #41583) posted at 2:41 AM on Monday, August 4th, 2014
Sadmadsad
An affair is what happens when a broken person chooses the wrong way to "feel better". Some people choose drugs, some people are workaholics, some people find a healthy hobby.
Some people are even smart enough to get proactive counseling and figure it out BEFORE they make destructive decisions.
I loved, love and am still in love with my husband. But we've both hurt each other. A lot.
Maybe he didn't use a relationship to feel better, but there are other ways to break someone's trust. And to cause immeasurable pain.
This feels so right to me. My BH will likely never feel it, but I hope he will again someday trust that another person truly loves him. I hope he will feel loved in a healthy way.
Also, I agree with the sentiment of my feelings at the time not mattering. There was a great article my BH sent me about intent. I'll have to look for it. Ultimately the author states that intent is irrelevant because of the impact is what matters. Even if I felt love for my BH, I did not act loving towards him. If that makes sense.
[This message edited by Wayflost at 8:53 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly."
20WrongsVs1 ( member #39000) posted at 1:23 PM on Monday, August 4th, 2014
Wifehad5, thank you for succinctly articulating the point I failed to convey. 
fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
Former motto: "Fake it till ya make it." Now: "You can't win if you don't play."
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