SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I feel the same way..if I hadnt of found that motel receit would they still be carrying on?? Would my husband have divorced me to be with her? We are mending our 29 years marriage and he has been so loving and sorry. BUT my heart is so broken. Its been ten months since D day and the pain is still do hard

omg, my WS did the same thing--said it was "winding down" anyway. Ummmm as soon as I looked at the cellphone records, I saw they were actually talkins/texting more than ever. Not to mention, there one and only date where they shared their one kiss (WS swears it was just a peck on the lips, not sure if I believe it) was just a week before I found out, and the amount of texts escalated after that--even though we were out of town on a romantic trip celebrating my 30th birthday.

I ask myself every day--"what if I didn't find out when I did??" I asked WS if she would have had sex with OW, she said she doubted it but couldn't say for sure, because she doesn't understand how she was able to do what she did in the first place (fair enough). But just the thought of them together makes me want to cry. I can't even imagine how I'd feel if they'd had sex, or if this had gone on for longer than the month that it lasted.

I guess the issue I have with a lot of the posters is that they imagine that an affair is just this big amusement park ride that waywards go on.

That is is blissful and happy, and self-indulgent. Well - it is self-centered, but most waywards don't look back on an affair and think of it as a good time.

Well, this might be true in some cases, but it's a major generalization to say it applies to all those in an affair.

My husband told me that he enjoyed the affair. The ego kibbles, the intrigue the spice of having sex with someone new who looked totally different than I.

Now he looks back with regret, but only after being caught and seeing he major destruction to our marriage it has caused.

Had I not received anonymous letters, I have no doubt it would still be going on.

He says he did not think I would be so upset. He thought I might be angry, but I would get over it.

Funny how so many ws's (ONLY AFTER GETTING CAUGHT) spoke about the a winding down. What a bunch of bullshit. H told me the same. He said that he knew it was a one way street and that he was winding the a down.

About a year post-a he confessed (only because of her ongoing fatal attraction meltdown) that he had indeed been calling her for some months afterwards. HOWEVER, his excuse was that he was calling her to see why she was eager to go after me with a vengeance what with all her horseshit false police reports and such. He said he was concerned with my safety. How fucking stupid did he think I was to believe this???? It was all about his own protection and hers until he realized what a crazed bitch she really was.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 6:12 PM, October 15th (Wednesday)]

Maybe they just get away with the ones they stop on their own?

Maybe they just get away with the ones they stop on their own?

Ooooooh, now there's a thought!

My WH said that he knew what he was doing was wrong, he kept trying half heatedly to end it (making her chase him, increasing the fantasy for him), but he would tell himself that he had already betrayed me, he was already in it, already a cheated, so why not just continue? It is sick

.

Similar excuse, throw in a little blackmail, and we could be married to the same type of man, wait... We are

Wh got caught over and over again... it continued for 5 years, I got the whole "it will come to an end bullshit, along with it is ending, then she is just a friend, blah blah.... It was like me busting me was more exciting and he was having fun no matter the pain it was causing me.

Damn him, it still pisses me off how he could do that shit to me with out a care in the fucking world.... I want to just punch him in the nards!

Sorry I know some people found the topic title misleading. I know not all affairs end by being caught. But like in my WS case it only took getting caught for him to stop it, and was looking at trying to understand why it has to come to that for the WS to 'wake up' from what they were doing /realisation so to speak.

My husband freely admits he would have carried on with his affair until he was caught. He admits he was arrogant and that he truly never thought he'd get caught. He admits he didn't think about me at all. It was only a 5 week EA.

We both also know that he's not smart enough to have an affair in this day and age with technology. There's no way he could have pulled it off long term (he didn't know how to set his phone to turn off his text notifications and I saw them on his screen when I went to get a phone number off his phone and when I went to open his phone the lock number was changed to a number he used a lot.)

I have asked my WH this question so many times in the last 8 weeks. I, too, am getting the same song and dance that he wanted to end it just too afraid of OW coming to me. She lives in another province so he had not seen her since late June (last business trip). He said he slowed down the contact with her, even told her he wanted to work on his marriage. But all the evidence I found rebuts this. I discovered emails on Sept 2 & confronted him, he already had 2 upcoming business trips for that month & planned on seeing her. Needless to say he did not go on those trips. He was hoping she would "take the hint" and "just lose interest", but she was willing to take every little crumb she could get. So when asked why he just didn't end it & confess his reply is that he "was a coward & would not have ended it on his own".

My h's first a ended because he thought I was onto him. I believed in him so much, I was clueless. 2 more ons over the years and I was still clueless, I believed in him.

The one that got him 3 years ago came out because his guilt overwhelmed him and he was such a mess that I asked him and he confessed. It was the first time he felt anything other than friends with benefits for any of them and he couldn't cope with it.

If the guilt hadn't got him? He said his intention was to continue until she got tired of it and broke it off. I think that he would have eventually left me for her. I was fighting a battle that I didn't know I was in, how could I possibly win.

The minute that relationship got dragged into the light it was obvious what it was: kind of sleazy and very pathetic.

WW - I wasn't caught, but I agree with this. I confessed and I am sure if I hadn't, it would still be going on (because I had already tried to stop more times than I can count). It's almost like I needed BH to help me get out of it, I needed the accountability. It sounds fucked up because it is.

I knew it was all sleazy and pathetic but bringing it to light made me realize how vile it really was. And when faced with losing my family, I realized how little AP meant to me.

Reading all these posts is so weird.

My husband told me too that the affair was " winding down anyway" (it wasn't, according to the number of texts), that there was only a kiss on the cheek (can't prove otherwise since I wasn't there, but not believing it anyway), and that he was afraid that the AP would contact me (she had my email address since he was forwarding her the pics of the kids that I was sending him). On top of this, he started to "not like her" (cough cough) but was not sure how to proceed, since she could land him in the crap at work (he was her manager).

So he HAD to carry on his shit and be nice to her. Poor bloke....

My xwSO got charged with stalking OW after she tried to end it, but he still swore to me repeatedly that he was in process of ending it. I could never get over fact that he stalked her, even though he claims she was lying. To me that shows that he didn't want to lose her.

I think it doesn't end until they get caught because it's easy. At first they're scared and guilty. As time goes on, that fades. It becomes easier to continue seeing AP than to end it. So it continues.

My WH says it is compartmentalization. With the hell he is going through now, he says it wasn't worth it. I don't know if that helps. But I think lots of lying to themselves and us helps them separate it from their feelings for us. hen, when they figure out what they have to lose, it hits them.They never thought about actually losing their marriage. When they realize it they get desperate.

My WW says she was at the OM's house to break it off the morning I caught her. I am no expert at ending a A but I don't think it takes a negligee (a present from the OM) and a pair of handcuffs.

(SARCASM) But really it didn't being caught to stop. She did all on her own.

My husband also threw away the OW with no remorse and no delay. Unfortunately, OW was my best friend at the time. Eight weeks from DD (confession from both) and I am still mourning my friendship with her...mourning my old life before I started living on Planet WTF.

How can WH throw her away so fast? It is disturbing in a way...but if he was having a hard time letting go that would be hard to take too. Either way sucks.