SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

gonnabegr8,

I mostly stick to the WS forums because I want insight from other waywards. You can think of me as a troll, doesn't bother me. But you're 100% right about 2 things.

1. Story - My story compared to other waywards. No, I wasn't caught red-handed. And no, I have not have to experience the typical R of other posters here. My AP told my BS about the A. I don't think it was out of hate for me. But because she loved me and felt like I was using her, thinking back, I really was.

2. Tone - Everyone on SI seems to have a very somber tone about their affair. And I respect the BS's of SI enough to stay on WS's forum.

The way I see it, most of us enjoyed our A and are only annoyed that we got caught. Some of us confessed out of guilt. But if we didn't feel guilty, we wouldn't confess. Guilt isn't a choice, it's a learned or inherited trait. Not really our choice whether we feel guilty or not.

A month ago, I would have said it takes an extreme amount of strength to stay with a WS. But after thinking about my best friend now dating someone who very likely to cheat on him, it made me think I was wrong. Staying is not strength. It's a weakness.

[This message edited by Lordofthebinge at 3:37 AM, August 12th (Saturday)]

Instead of: a weak person is a person that stays with a cheater

Replace with: a strong person is a person that stays with a cheater

I personally just don't buy it. Doesn't make sense to me.

Strong: I am offering this gift of R because I am confident in my emotional strength. I believe I have what it takes to TRY and get past this shit storm that you created for us.

Weak: I will stay with you just because I am afraid to lose you. You are so amazing that I will do anything to keep you...even forgive infidelity.

The Gift of R could feed the WS's EGO just as the attention of the AP did. I suspect that could be the case here OP. I think the gift could be deceiving you into believing you're getting it because "you are so amazing". Ego High= total deception.

It seems to me that you have very little respect for your wife. Perhaps that is why you were able to cheat on her. Maybe if she would have kicked your ass to the curb you would have respected her more.

Unravelling all the twisted thoughts and seeing reality is part of recovery. Developing Respect for the BS is a very good place to start! Just because you view her as weak, does not mean she is weak! Just like the AP made you feeeeel good, does not mean you are good.

I still don't understand why you say you are grateful to reconcile with someone that you view as weak and appear to have so little respect for. I mean at the end of the day all WS show a huge amount of disrespect for our spouses through our infidelity, but most are grateful when our spouses offer the possibility of R. But everything you have said in this thread suggests that you don't really want to be with your wife. Have you examined that possibility?

WS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:58 PM, August 14th (Monday)]

My BS is weak. She should have left me. I don't want her to. I love her. But I do think she is weak for not leaving me.

You know if you tell her the truth, she'll be strong enough to leave you-that's why you lie everyday. You aren't in R & you're not remorseful.

So you're seriously ok with keeping her in the dark for the rest of her life & trapping her into having children with you? What about what she wants, she doesn't deserve to make an informed decision about her own life??

She's so young, don't take away her choice by lying & omitting the truth. She deserves to live her life, knowing everything about it- not just the parts that benefit only you. That is not love.