SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My situation was EXACTLY like Oldbeachowl’s situation-every detail.

But, here’s what you’re probably more interested in knowing. Cheater Trade Craft 101:

They shutter chat apps. WhatsApp is a popular choice. They download and delete the app when not in use, download when safe. Check the App Store history.

Burner phone usually kept under their car seat

They use aliases in the Contacts List, sometimes hiding in plain site like under their father’s, mother’s or BFF’s OR YOUR name with a slight unnoticeable difference in the spelling to set them apart like a capitalization.

All the usual phone behaviors: Screen tilting, overly possessive of phone, late night texting. Sometimes you can spot the traffic on the bill (if not using a WiFi based chat app) or in the battery use, Screen Time history.

Staying late or going in early for work.

Girls Nights Outs progressively increase in frequency and tardiness.

Work Trips are an excellent opportunity. Many rendezvous are done under the guise of a work trip, conference, continuing education.

If they’re playing you AND the AP, they will put their phone in Airplane mode when they’re with either lover, or block the other.

They will sometimes carry on a dialogue (chatting) right in front of you or while laying in bed next to you, with either the desktop, laptop or phone screen turned away. I found a lot of evidence of this in my discovery phase.

Burner credit cards that are either paperless or send invoices to a secret PO Box.

Checkout a popular online forum that I can’t mention here (Red..) under their Cheater Forums that are followed, literally, by hundreds of thousands, and you will notice they openly discuss what they call Cheater Op Sec (Operation Security) and trade cheating tactics and strategy and cheer each other on.

Be warned: Its depressing and a poor commentary on society. If you want to get into the head of a cheater, check that out.

You’d be surprised how much in plain site a lot of cheating is, how little or sloppy the Op Sec is. And, you’d also be surprised at the ingenious effort some cheaters put into their Op Sec. It must be exhausting and all consuming. I, myself, couldn’t lead a double life, but some people love the thrill of it all. The illicit sex, the intrigue, the craft, the strategy, the sexual tension it all brings, and they like bragging about it and trading stories with their cheater peers and enablers.

Just wanted to add, if you’re just beginning your investigatory process, be very careful to exercise discretion, don’t confront prematurely, be patient-which is easier said than done, lest you risk driving the affair underground.

Protect your evidence and don’t reveal your sources.

If you discover cheating, make sure you have gathered enough evidence to confront from a position of strength and confidence, a position impervious to any gaslighting.

Make sure you have all your ducks in a row. You will have the drop on her and you want to maintain your lead, staying one step ahead of her throughout the discovery-revelation phase. Cheaters can sometimes strike back aggressively, with blame shifting, role reversals, DARVO, self victimization, and even false DV charges.

Also, a good investigator remains objective and open minded. Don’t go down a rabbit hole if your investigation bares no fruit.

VARS sound extreme. Some people get squeamish about the legalities involved, but damn, they sure are effective. I’ve never heard of anyone getting busted for surveilling their own property, spouse or devices under marital control. Just don’t reveal your sources. During confrontation, your sources are not relevant. The issue is cheating, not how you discovered it. WSs always try and obfuscate, distract and divert attention away from the sentinel event-issue.

“Sentinel Event”. In Health Care, a Sentinel Event is an event that causes death or permanent harm to a patient. Cheating does just that to a marriage. Almost universally, the first response from a WS is to minimize the affair. They do it with all the cliche’d responses: “It’s not what you think…It was just one time… one drunken stupid mistake… It wasn’t an affair, just an escapade…we only kissed…It meant nothing, etc, Etc ETC”

And then they follow with: “You’re overreacting…you’re making a big damn deal over nothing…You’re so paranoid-insecure…You’re making a big deal of this and YOU are going to destroy this marriage”

Don’t fall for any of this shit.

Cheating, in any form, is a big damned deal.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 8:41 PM, Sunday, February 12th]