SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TS68, the reference to the phone was "triggered" by cangetup's post regarding her husband doing that (it was her only red-flag). My husband did the same thing a couple of weeks ago when we were driving back from a friend's pool party. My daughter and her friend were in the back seat, my husband's phone rang and he picked it up like a hot potato, i offered to answer; instead he grappled with it, trying to put in his password with one hand while driving. Turned out to be our eldest son. When I askedH about it later, he said it would have been just as difficult to give me the password. I think not!

He did end up writing down and giving me the two passwords to his phone, but at this point, he probably knows how to cover his tracks, right? I declined to take them (dumb move on my part, in hindsight).

Reconsidered the post. Sorry!

[This message edited by Cally60 at 3:53 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

Shero: so sorry, but your husband is a bully. Every time you come close to proving something or asking him for more transparency he gets angry and threatens you. Then, he makes it all about you and you are broken and you don't trust me. Manipulation, gas-lighting, bullying. Damn, I don't know how you don't slap him across the face. But, I do see a pattern of you giving in to these temper tantrums. So, he continues to use those tactics and cheat. All of this is normal...most of the WS on here including mine got this way.bAre you physically safe from him?

Hopefulmother, I have never ever felt physically in danger, ever. I want to respond in more depth to your posts, especially the "juggling balls" observation, but I am with family right now. Thank you for following my story ((hopeful mother))

Still in limbo, good people. Been in a spot with spotty coverage. Back home tomorrow to check the VAR (sigh).

I sure hope you get what you need to move out of this. What about a PI?

(Hopefulmother), I have thought about a PI. Still not off the table. Have to listen to the VAR first. Incidentally, did a little PI work with an old friend who is an actual PI (for the state, not on her own). It was nerve-wracking. Would have been funny in a movie, but sucked in real life; she has known us pre-marriage, and was devastated when I called for her help.

Been thinking about you all weekend. Hoping you were able to get some much needed answers today Shero!!

Thanks (918Mama), heard one suspicious and heartwrenching phone call, before I threw up. Waiting to see my sister later this week so that she can confirm what I heard and listen to the rest of the recordings. I can't do it.

I am so sorry. We are here for you.

hugs

(((Shero)))

Be kind to yourself. Post here when you need support. I'm so sorry. :-(

Shero.... Sending you strength... Vars might be handy but not for the faint of heart.

Don't let him suspect anything is different AT ALL.

We are here for you!!

So sorry Shero. My heart and prayers are going out to you. I hope in some way this gives you some peace and will allow you to move on in your life. I am so glad you have your sister to help you. I don't know the laws on using a VAR, so if you need to prove anything in court to get anything...you may need that PI to carry through before confronting.

Shero what was the result of your investigation? Have been thinking about you.

Well, de-ha-vu, but it sounds like the "real deal" (PA) to me. I think the kicker is that both of our scenarios involved the WS spending $$$ on other women, but (in your case) when it came to celebrating your b-day - nothing, NADA. I know that must have really hurt you. A hand-written card on a piece of printer paper would have meant more than that, right?

My similar scenario - 20th wedding anniversary - no card, NADA.

I truly know how you feel and hate to reiterate that I don't think it's just an EA.

You are in our thoughts, Shero. We are all rooting for you. Many of us have been there, and we know this feeling all too well.

UPDATE:

Can't believe it's been more than three months since my last post. Just wanted to thank all of you for your responses. I have been in a new rental house for a week! Hopefulmother hit the nail on the head; even if my husband isn't having an affair, I am so unhappy. Something is up with him; sadly I may never know what it is.

The lease on this house is for six months. It seems such a long time, but at my age (49), months pass by like weeks/days. I met with a new therapist last week and look forward to our future weekly sessions. There have been hiccups vis a vis communication with my husband, but so far so good.

p.s. Did the VAR--nothing substantial

p.p.s Did the gps-- nothing substantial--except the tracker travelled 6,000 miles ?!

p.p.p.s. PM me if you want to buy any of my spyware :(

Shero... Any new developments? I see you are still around, responded to my post in IF, hope things are better!

Bump (just doing this for myself y'all; it looks like it's about to drop off my saved posts. Please ignore. I don't know how to archive this on this site, but want to revisit every so often to remember that this really happened.)