SMS - It is hard to tell from the comment in your last post, but I can feel your pain through it. I don’t know specifically what you were addressing. That said, if it’s about:
1. What is happening in the news, consider taking a brief break from it. Declare yourself in news free person for about 24 hours to get your equilibrium back. The reports are disheartening on so many levels. I can tell by the very limited exposure I have had to you and your posts that you do not subscribe to the theory that being uninformed is blissful. Neither do I. That said, I consider a 24 hour break sometimes the equivalent of a long cleansing breath and that silent count to the number 10 in order to get my self back to a place where I can feel like fighting again.
2. This thread and the one now in General that was started in response to my inappropriate post on this thread, I sincerely apologize. I was attempting to talk about sexual abuse inside a marriage and in my head, albeit incorrectly, I was only thinking of behaviors that I believe crosses a line no matter the circumstances. I have contacted the moderators in an attempt to do whatever I can to correct it.
In my case, past sexual degradation occurred on spectrum from embarrassing and humiliating to, in that moment, feeling as if I was fighting both physically and mentally to not be assaulted. I personally was hindered by my own parents ‘ position that reputation was everything. Keep silent so our image looks shiny and clean. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t draw attention to yourself, especially as a young girl or woman. Making yourself a target by complaining means people will start to speculate about what you may have done to deserve it.
At 6, I was playing outside across the street from my house with another kid when a man pulled up and asked out the window if we wanted some of his candy. All we had to do was come to the window and take it from him. We ran inside and told our parents. He of course didn’t stick around.
At 13, I was participating in a fundraiser for new band equipment and I was at an off ramp with probably 10 other band geeks collecting money in coffee tins. My mother was there as were other mothers and our band leader, a nun (no idea why I am including the nun part). I was called over to a car to accept a donation and the men in the backseat of the car had their pants down and were masturbating.
At 16 years old, at an afterschool job, I had a grown ass man (store manager) follow me around every single shift and demand to know what color my panties were that day, if I would show him, why did I not want to show him... he would follow me into the employees the section of the store and make suggestive comments to intimidate me. After about three weeks, I had about as much as I could take and told my parents. My father immediately made me quit that job and he spoke with the male manager. I had gotten that job through my sister-in-law, my brothers wife. Because it was humiliating, I never told her why I quit after only three weeks. For years after, whenever it came up in a family discussion situation, she would make nasty comments about how flighty I was a teenager and how I could never stick with anything citing that job as her proof. I never told her. My parents never told her because I asked them not to. I didn’t want eyes and minds on me and this grown man and the terrible things he said to me.
At 18 years old, I was in a bar with about 8 girlfriends my freshman year of college. A man I didn’t even know walked past me and grabbed me from the front right in my crotch and squeeze really hard. It was very crowded and he I believe hoped to just do it walking by because all of his friends were laughing. What he didn’t count on and what I didn’t count on either was that I had an immediate uncontrolled reaction. I hit him in the face. He stumbled over something or someone and fell on his back. I hit him in the face screaming NO and calling him names until my girlfriends tore me off him. We left immediately.
In my early 20s, I accepted a date with MG (initials used for ease of story telling). MG picked me up and we drove to the restaurant. As soon as we parked the car in the dark restaurant parking lot, MG was on me. No discussion. I was screaming “stop” “what are you doing?!” I was slapping his hands away. He was trying to reach the lever to angle my seat back while LICKING ME LIKE A DOG ON MY NECK AND FACE. I was using my feet and hands to fight him. I was using his name while telling him to stop. I finally got the car door open and got out. I called my parents to come get me. I never looked at him again though I know he was everywhere. He’s a high school teacher today.
In my mid 20s at my first professional job, the VP was in the office with a camera crew taking photos for the yearly company prospectus for investors. They were outside cubicle that I shared with two other women in their 20s. They were discussing potential shots and which employees would look best in the photographs. The VP loudly proclaimed that we (me and the other two women) would be good prospects if he had only thought to order us in advance to wear tighter clothes that day... maybe something that showed some cleavage. One of the women apparently had an ass he admired because he said, “maybe we can get a shot of her from the back to show off her best feature.” We were mortified and what I remember most in terms of the reactions of the wider group of colleagues was embarrassment FOR us. Silence though. We said nothing and neither did anyone else. That same VP also broke professional boundaries by asking us to do things outside our job description like go to his house and babysit his kids at night, etc.
In my 30s, there was the guy in a Target parking lot who stared at me while masturbating to completion while I was trying to load up my purchases in the trunk. He left me feeling used and nauseous.
I wish you peace. I wish all of us peace.
Once again, thank you for your guidance with the original post/thread mistake. It’s appreciated.
