SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I played cheerful and upbeat, but I was

raging inside

.

What you feel is natural. But try to avoid negative energy. It only harm you. As difficult as it is pay more attention to you -career, kids new future etc.

At least you have the finality, many others are stuck in whether to D or R and feeling of unable to let go.

SteadyChevy experience is very similar to you and like his WW your WW may not show much regard or remorse. They are thinking only of themselves (it may change in your case when POSOM back flip).

Impermanence is the name of the game. Never attach to anyone or anything that make you unable to cope with.

Wish you a contented mind

We are opening gifts. She keeps taking photos of our kids, even framing me out of some, and sending them to OM. Amazeballs.

We are opening gifts. She keeps taking photos of our kids, even framing me out of some, and sending them to OM. Amazeballs.

In her mind it is smooth sailing. The POS may be feeding her fantasy. Little she knows what is awaiting her. Avoid paying attention to what she does and what she does not, Hope PI come up with something soon. The state of affairs is frustrating

[This message edited by goalong at 8:45 AM, December 25th (Tuesday)]

You're a strong man, you're doing great, however is there anyway you can help the PI by "having" to to out of town tomorrow or the next day for an emergency business trip or family emergency ? I'm sure she will run to meet OM the second you go out of the house, that way you can get your proof faster and have her served before year's end. New year's eve sounds great to me to have her served, it will be a great memory for her and OM.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 10:30 AM, December 25th (Tuesday)]

I wish I knew why she has decided she doesn't like me anymore. Actually, I'm not even sure that's the case -- she at times does seem genuinely conflicted and she was reading some book called "too good to leave, too bad to stay."

I'm hardly perfect, but I'm not a bad guy. She'd tell you I'm controlling about money because we used to fight a lot when she was running up credit cards (i'm talking mid-five figures on three occasions in our marriage). So, yeah, I was controlling because she was out of control.

But I'm not violent/abusive. I don't smoke or do drugs, I never drank heavily and don't drink at all anymore. I'm a good provider with a good income, a great father. I'm not terrible looking. I'm actually in the best shape of my life. So, I don't know. It's sad.

Don’t waste any time contemplating on any faults within yourself or your marriage.

Her reasons have nothing to do with you or your marriage.

Zero, zilch, nada.

It is not because of anything you did or did not do nor because of anything you said or did not say.

Adultery/infidelity is not the result of a marital failure - it is the result of a personal failure in the adulterer.

Her reasons for doing this are all within her and existed within her long, long before you ever met her.

There is no problem, issue, or “rough patch” in any marriage/relationship that renders an adult, married mother incapable of knowing fundamental right from wrong.

You and/or your marriage are not the reason for her “affair”.

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:26 PM, February 8th (Friday)]

We are opening gifts. She keeps taking photos of our kids, even framing me out of some, and sending them to OM. Amazeballs

When it all goes down show no mercy. Cold steel. She is nothing to you now. Willingly conspiring to destroy 2 families.

What you are going through is probably the same treatment her other mans wife is experiencing. Have your PI locate her and make sure she's informed. It would be an act of kindness on your part.

The thing that kills me now is even though I feel more in control and certain about what I am doing, I am still experiencing rampant anxiety at times, especially at night. Going to sleep and waking up 2 hours later in night sweats and unable to get back to sleep. Ugh.

The anxiety is normal. Loose ends. Unresolved conflict. You know that when you hit her with the "for cause" filing the shit is going to hit the fan. Any pretext of being nice to you or vacillating between loving you and not will be gone. The fangs will be bared and the claws extended.

Honestly I think there is a chance she might even get violent during the confrontation and want to do it in front of a third party like a therapist or my lawyer. Fun times ahead.

To the person asking about going out of town — I am taking our kids to see my extended family on Friday. Normally she goes with but she isn’t going to come this year. PI expects that will be the next time they get together. And she has been shopping for little gifts for him so I do think it will happen this weekend (but not NYE — he probably won’t be able to get away for that).

Only reason they wouldn’t try on Friday, I think, is if his family is traveling too and he has no excuse to bail (her excuse will be an ailing mother in assisted living).

The physical manifestations of infidelity are brutal and I am so sorry that you are suffering so.

Even as you gain some clarity about your best course of action, your body is still processing the tremendous trauma you have experienced. The lack of appetite, lack of sleep, increased anxiety, loss of concentration and general confusion really test your resolve to move forward.

As trite as it might sound there are things you must do to immediately feel better and thus restore your power. You must work out, drink water, eat some healthy food, stay away from alcohol and most important for many of us, get outside every day.

Trust me, your doctor will understand the beating your body is taking due to your wife's cheating and can also offer options to regain your personal balance.

Remember that we are here for you. And again, I am sorry for your suffering.

Thanks for your concern about my physical health.

I can report I am on top of it already. Saw my GP two weeks ago and told him what was going on. He prescribed Zoloft and Xanax, two drugs I have never taken before. I have taken maybe four Xanax since — only when the mind is racing at night and once when I was having a full-blown panic attack a week or so ago.

Good news is I quit alcohol two and a half years ago and have managed to avoid it during this crisis.

Went for a long bike ride on Monday. So doing exercise!

I am trying to take care of myself. The anxiety, though, is crippling at times.

Aucky, I stepped up my already aggressive exercise/fitness regimen during the darkest days of my experience last spring and I'm certain that helped me keep my eyes on the objective. I wish you well Sir, in extricating yourself from your wife's infidelity.

Anxiety sucks. We’ve all been there. You’re going to get through this and when you do the anxiety will be a source of pride. What you’re doing is probably the hardest thing that you will ever have to do, and you’re killing it.

Do not depend overly on Xanax. It is addictive. Practice letting go and try to accept the present reality. The detachment has been going on for years so not much one can do at this moment unless she really change her attitude and you want reconciliation. Record everything, if she become violent it will help you in the courts. Regarding evidence, even if PI did not come up with much, is it possible to call the OM and others like the driver as respondents under oath, along with evidence you have been collecting? Surround yourself with people who care about you like your siblings, parents and friends, it greatly help to avoid your negative feelings

[This message edited by goalong at 7:35 AM, December 26th (Wednesday)]

Please have a VAR,voice activated recorder, on you at all times now. This is business now. A false DV,domestic violance, charge against could be crippling for you. Confronting her in public when the time comes may be advisable. To have witnesses can be to your advantage.

As for your anxiety, is it possible to get a heavy bag and hang it in your basement or garage. I found taking out my engery on the bag most rewarding and helping me to cope with the waves of emotions i felt from my ex many years ago.

Honestly I think there is a chance she might even get violent during the confrontation

Aucky, has she been violent before?

Nothing to add, you are totally on top of this, just letting you know you’ve been heard. For every reply in this thread, know that there are hundreds more rooting for you.

Sending strength!

Auky, please listen to Marz. This whole time you're thinking about kindness and being fair to your WW, she is talking shit about you behind your back, contacting a lawyer and lying to you, breaking up your family and another one at the same time. She does not deserve kindness and fair treatment. She will turn on you, like you said potentially get physical during your confrontation.

Gather your evidence, seek at fault judgement, and I wouldn't bother with the confrontation. You already know she's cheating, so whats the point?

Tell the other spouse, and go No Contact with her. I went down this same road, and I wish I would have acted and behaved closer to what others had suggested on this site earlier. They know what they're talking about.

As for you potentially losing your kids b/c your WW and the AP are potentially getting married, well, you don't have to worry about that as a man if you can prove adultery and at fault in court, along with your proof of all that you do for them. There's nothing in it for you to seek a no fault judgement but keeping you in this mess for an extra yr. Like others have said, you can always give her more money if you really wanted to. No good deed goes unpunished, so you may want to think about that too. Money could be used to hire a lawyer in the future to come after you for more custody time or whatever. I'd cut her off and cut her off clean, and see how she treats you after the D before offering her any damn thing.