SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Unbroken78,

This thread is eerily, I mean EERILY, very similar to a thread I started on another forum.

Sexless marriage. SAHM "gone", checked out from the marriage. Wants to go off and find herself.

I resisted all the advice from that forum to divorce because I thought I could save the marriage. And also because I had no evidence of an A about 5 years ago.

And guess what. A couple years later, I eventually ended up here on SI.

Limbo sucks.

Yes it does. Get yourself out. You cannot make her change herself for the good of your marriage. No matter how hard you try or how long you wait, it will NEVER happen. It can only happen if she wants to change. I'm telling you this from harsh experience.

I wish I would have just accepted that the marriage was dead, saved myself the brutal experience of infidelity and divorce my XWW years ago. Instead I floundered for years, reading marriage books, going to IC and MC, doing ALL of the work. What did it get me? A free membership to SI. The best club NOBODY wants to be in.

So you have no hard evidence. It doesn't matter. The fact that she's not acting in the best interests of the marriage or family seems grounds enough for divorce.

Rip the bandaid off, man. That is my one regret. That I didn't divorce sooner and save myself the horror of her affair.

Good luck, brother.

I juat want to comment on the BJ issue. First of all, I am not saying your wife is innocent by any means. However, I personally HATE giving bjs and refuse to do so. I am a faithful wife and have never cheated on my husband in any way. The willingness to do or not do certain sexual acts is not an indicator of fidelity.

I think what she meant was she heard his concerns but she doesn’t feel like sex and she doesn’t want to release his tension with a BJ either (which is fine, to each his own)

Reading this thread, I don’t know if it’s a M issue or A issue. If it’s the former I would say, lots of deep conversation, and a Dr appointment is in order (is she depressed? Low sex drive due to contraceptive maybe? Something else? etc...)

If it’s an A issue, it’s a different conversation. I agree with the polygraph suggestion, since you are currently stuck.

I just want to comment on the BJ issue. First of all, I am not saying your wife is innocent by any means. However, I personally HATE giving bjs and refuse to do so. I am a faithful wife and have never cheated on my husband in any way. The willingness to do or not do certain sexual acts is not an indicator of fidelity.

It wouldn't be a big deal as I tend to agree with your sentiment...but it was previously her thing.

She loved doing it and even said out loud "I love giving you a BJ, I can't understand why a woman wouldn't want to do that"...

It went from frequent to virtually never...

Something changed and it didn't change for the better. People can change, I get it...but it's smoke illustrating that there is a fire someplace.