SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

blew it again

got a text from OW who thinks she is WH's wife saying she is back in town for three weeks and is going on vacation with WH and my kids to the one place that was still ours !

holy crap I knew his I need space

I just want time but I know the affair was wrong blah blah crap was just lies

so while I give him space and struggle with my new life I don't want

he has a girlfriend and life that is still moving forward

my kids don't want to go with him

I have been selling It to them cause I know if they don't go I will be blamed even though I am the only one makin things work since I met him!

I hate NC cause all it does is give him what he wants while I just shut up about it

back on the wagon

who knows why cause I am sucking at it

you are all getting stronger and I am just getting lonelier

good job all

where do these people come from ?

whatamidoing,

I know exactly what you mean. I'm trying to stay strong with NC but it sucks. WH is just acting like I never existed. He is all cozy, living in our home with OW. I know NC is for the best but it seem so unfair that he is going on about his life while I'm struggling. I want to scream and rage at him. But I can't.

Hang in there. It has to get easier, right?

hanginon! I hope it does get better and easier soon cause after over a year of this is just seems to get different and options seem to disappear but easier not even close

my STBXWH turns out to be a coward and morally bankrupt and seems to not care about anyone but OW including himself

but NC means he can do it in peace and I can forget the hope

thanks!!!

Obviously didn't hear from WS, but my friend--his now-secretery-- emailed me three times with recommendations for a project I asked her to look at. She dropped that one of her book recs was from an esteemed colleague she happened to meet through WS last week.

She also dropped that she has two job interviews for high level positions (she's decided to quit the position with WS next month) that she's now qualified for thanks to me "convincing" WS to give her the job shortly before DDay.

I was supposed to work there as well in a position that would have outranked her. I should have been hobnobbing with colleagues and applying to higher level jobs. Instead I had to take grunt work to reestablish myself without WS.

And word is that OW no longer works there anyway. I still don't know if that's true or why she isn't there anymore even if it is. I suppose it suggests that they broke up, but who knows. But I tend to get distracted by that fact because I totally could have handled taking the position and just ignoring my WS (I would have reported to *his* boss, not to him directly) as long as *she* wasn't there.

So I'm pissed and jealous today.

But, hey, pissed and angry is better than sad. It's like a commercial break from my usual total devastation. :)

I can tell he sprays some cologne on before he comes in the house. Since last week the smell of pickles has permeated from him whenever he comes to pick up or drop off the baby. Last night I finally said something...it's probably some cheap cologne or a cologne that went bad in the car, but I had to tell him. I probably should have let him just walk around smelling like pickles, but oh well.

Last night the dam broke and I was back to wallowing and crying again. He says "I love you guys" now whenever he walks out the door. Tonight he said it twice and I just said, "bye!" I mean what does he expect? I can be nice, cordial, civil...but I won't say "I love you" to him ever again unless I really mean it. He atomic bomb destroyed our marriage and he loves us? Also, if I followed that breadcrumb I know where it would lead. He loves us, but he isn't "in love" with us.

Anyway, last night I started looking at old pictures again and I just lost it. I realized that I miss him. I miss him when it was the good him. I miss my husband. I cried and cried into the mattress but I was fine a few minutes later. At least I know the tear ducks still work.

whatamidoing & hangingontohope7,

You guys are awesome and are doing a great job. It's normal to feel the way you are feeling. Keep at it...it takes practice..there is no perfect 180...it's a journey.

I hate NC cause all it does is give him what he wants while I just shut up about it

I felt this way too, except after a while I realized that I no longer cared what WS thinks, does, feels, wants, needs..etc. Keep at it and soon it won't bother you so much. You will find that the inner peace that you get from being in control of your own life is way better than worrying about what WS thinks.

you are all getting stronger and I am just getting lonelier

You are getting stronger! Give yourself some credit...180 and NC is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life. It goes against EVERY impulse I have! You really have to try hard at it but every single one of us has messed up and had to get back on the 180 or NC train. You are doing great and the fact that you are on SI posting and you WANT your behavior and choices to be consistent is excellent!

Sometimes you have to make certain mistakes to learn a lesson. You just keep at it until you no longer care where he is going, where he is taking OW, or what he thinks about you. That's the beauty of the 180/NC....after a few weeks you will notice that your focus will be on YOU and not your WH!

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 11:11 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

PhantomLimb,

You sound much better today (or last night). You are doing good work girl!

Instead I had to take grunt work to reestablish myself without WS.

This is a blessing. Your life is headed in an entirely different direction then it was before and that's ok. Imagine if you would have stayed at WS' company while he continued his A with OW or even worse, moved on to another OW after that in the same company. Your connections and hobnobbing might have been for all for naught if you would have had to leave and rebuild eventually down the line anyway.

You're right though, pissed and angry is better than sad. Sometimes it's been the anger that has been the motivating factor for some of the best decisions (like kicking him out) that I've made throughout this situation.