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There is a degree of disrespect toward you when the A was still hidden from you. The degree of disrespect that she has for you after the confrontation and continues the A is huge!

Your biggest problem is you keep engaging her and these conversation will be your down fall.

Every time you post "she said"....it's all blah blah blah...she is playing you so she can keep her boyfriend.

Good luck on Tinder. Your old lady is history.

The last chance you had was after the confrontation. She had a choice to make once she knew you knew, and it's clear as a bell your old lady has left the marriage.

Sorry man, but your chick is just not into you anymore. If she had any sliver of respect for you after the confrontation, she would have made you a priority instead of "sayin good" by to OM.

That's my $0.02

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 7:50 PM, April 17th (Friday)]

How did the exposure go with the in laws and were/when is she moving out?

On Monday you had only 2 boundaries and she crossed both of them!

Sorry man...but now that you have no access and she made contact...you have to follow through with what you told her on Monday.

Make a plan and work the plan.

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 8:04 PM, April 17th (Friday)]

Brother, PLEASE get off Tinder. Delete your account and everything. What the hell good could possibly come from this. What everyone else said about it being wrong to be bringing anyone else into your situation. But also, your Tinder account if discovered, can and will be used against you. No matter which path you end up going down. Even if all you ended up doing is "swiping right"--or even "left" for that matter.

So, what @OkOkOk... already said.

I understand that you are the one who is going through your situation and so right now you are cycling through some really intense emotions such as Denial and Bargaining, which are injecting dangerous amounts of Hopium into your bloodstream. But yeah. Your WW is blatantly and completely disrespecting you and your kids. This "one last fling" is just total BS, and point blank, it is not serving you OR your family to be allowing this.

The one thing you need to do is get yourself and your family out of infidelity. The only way for you to do so, while getting any self-respect in the process, is to file for D. You don't have to actually go through with it--the bonus is that if anything will get your WW to "wake up" this is about it. But if she truly is gone off the deep end and is on her way out, nothing you can do can keep her. The best way to protect you AND your kids is to file for D ASAP.

Please keep posting, we are here for you.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 11:15 AM, April 18th (Saturday)]

Brother, accountability, responsibility and respect!

She has none, no respect for you, your children or marriage.

She has taken or shown no accountability for her actions, continually lying, keeping up the A and gaslighting you as well as the POS wife.

She also has taken no responsibility for the A. Conscious actions and contact at work, she is POS boss, so it is a power play on her part. There are legal ramifications as well harassment etc.

Take no responsibility for her actions.

One day at a time

Buffer

Bro,

Get the fuck off this ride. This stops when you say it stops. Ultimately, your kids will respect you more for putting an end to this madness. This is not your fault.

It is time to take away her cake. Expose them and file. Don't use the lock down as an excuse.

And get off Tinder. Revenge affairs solve nothing. As another member noted, what if you hook with someone while you're still married? How much more do you want to complicate your life? That will only hurt you in the divorce process.

She's gone, bro. As I said a posted a couple weeks ago on this thread:

You both have to want this.

From my own wisdom and that of many on this site - if she's clearly got one foot out the door, let her go. You can't make her want to change. She has to want it.

Time to rip the band-aid off.

File ASAP. Expose her to her boss. Hard 180.

I started a tinder account a day ago and already have some leads so maybe tonight while the wife is away, I go to town.

You should go to town. Your wife opened this door. There is no reason for you to remain loyal to her. Leveling the playing field is a powerful tool. You can prove without any doubt to a wayward that they are replaceable.

Cheaters all operate on erroneous belief that they are irreplaceable, that you the betrayed spouse cannot do better. Many wayward spouses come to learn that they have traded down while their betrayed spouse have trade up.

It is always fun watching a wayward spouse have to accept that they will be eating the shit sandwich they expected their betrayed spouse to.

this BH is still married so:

why are people telling him to have a RA?

level the playing field?

how does rolling in the gutter, lowering one's morals to then be

no better than the WS accomplish losing the moral high ground?

at one time infidelity forums were full of veteran WS an BS

helping those new comers get proof that their WS was cheating,

how to recover, better to divorce, giving real life experience

because they have already been down this road before.

sadly, we now get too many people that have not been a WS

or a BS giving advice on nothing they had to learn the hard

way by either being a WS or BS.

we need to advise on how to confirm then get out of

infidelity.

we do not need to tell BS how to wallow in the gutter. if any

one has seen the negative impacts of RA then they would

not encourage anyone to have an RA.

unless they do not know this. if knowledge is lacking then it

would be best to keep bad advice to themselves. instead of

causing more damage.

I strongly urge you to ignore those who encourage you to engage in revenge and do not give into the urge to have an RA. Stay off of tinder. I understand the temptation but in the end it just makes things worse. You lose your moral compass. The goal is to get out of infidelity and live your life according to your values, not to double down on your WW’s lack of integrity.

File for D. Be there for your children. Get out of infidelity. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 7:11 AM, April 20th (Monday)]

What everyone who said about Tinder--or any other dating/hookup "app"--being a horrible idea. Even just BEING on Tinder and only looking, could come back to really bite you in the ass . I mean, if you end up going for D, can you imagine the problems you'd have if your WW's attorney were to come across that you're on Tinder? What makes you so confident that they will not think to be checking for it. Keep your name clear!

Do this the right way. You will be the parent your kids need, the one with the solid moral compass. They will really need that even more thanks to your WW's crazy-making. There will be plenty of time for dating when this is all done.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 10:03 PM, April 19th (Sunday)]

Great job on finding out who this stooge is. How did you run the tags on the two cars?

As others have said ease up on seeking infidelity yourself, if for no other reason than you can easily get shafted in the divorce and you will lose the respect of your kids when she eventually tells them, framing it all as your fault. Bet on it.

How are you doing?

Hang in there and talk to a lawyer ASAP

Stay strong, and no matter what you do, just make sure you’re able to look yourself in the mirror

File for D now.

She has gave you her answer. She has disrespected you, your marriage and your family. There is nothing left to save, she destroyed it. Let her have the fat guy and move on. The sooner you get this started, the sooner you will be over it.

"One last fling" Are you fvcking kidding me?!?!? Get the hell out! If this is her thought process, she will do this again in the future. Do you really want to live like this?

Do not expose them at work until after the D is final.

Since she is in his supervisor, she could be terminated. If she is unemployed, your alimony/child support payments will be higher. Wait until afterward, then expose away.

Get off Tinder

A revenge affair will do you know good. You will have plenty of time for this after D is final. Do nothing that could put you in a bad light. Stay the course, focus on you and your children.. Let her be the stupid one

Oh, BTW, If you can't forgive, you will never be able to forget. Trust me on that one.

Southpaw...man, we need to go have a beer together as our stories are almost identical.

While I am not nearly capable of giving advice right now, I will tell you what has helped me in the immediate shock and awe stage that you are in right now.

The more seasoned "professionals" in here are giving you plenty of good advice, but my only advice is to concentrate on yourself. Everything else is extraneous. Exercise, eat, and sleep. Whatever it takes to do those 3 things will help you tremendously in the here and now.

This is what I know...it takes tremendous mental toughness to simply function throughout the day. Recognize that. Reward yourself mentally for making it through one day. Pat yourself on the back that you are a good, decent person who has been royally screwed by someone that you love.

You said you are Brad Pitt compared to this guy? Well act like it, because you are. I would caution you against doing the revenge affair thing though, because it just provides her with a means to minimize her actions which is the last damn thing you want right now.

Imagine yourself a year or 2 from now and how you will look at yourself in the mirror. Do you want to honestly be able to say that you did everything right? If you were to go the D route, do you want your kids to know that you did something stupid too? Just don't do it.

One day at a time brother

Buffer

Southpaw, how are you? I am one that has followed your story from a far. I hope things are working out for you. Where are you at in your pathway of getting out of infidelity.

Hoping you are well.

If they continue to work together, the affair will never be completely over. Even if she stops the motel visits with him, she will be reminded of her feelings for him every time she sees him.

R is not an option in that situation. No matter how much you want it, she will never be free of him enough to commit to repairing your marriage.

Stop worrying about why she is doing this. Stop guessing about how she feels and why she feels that way. It does not help you.

She has not stopped the affair. She planned the trip away with him. She continues to lie to you and be deceptive. In short, she is manipulating you. Why? Who knows? But you can be sure it is not for anything good for your family nor your marriage. I still do not get why she told you he makes 250K. Unless she was trying to make you feel inferior.

He would never had divorced his wife unless your wife gave him some promise of a loving future together. That you can be sure of.

If they continue to work together, he will continue to chase her. She knows this and is fine with it even though that leaves you as Plan B. The fallback plan if he and she do not work out. How does it feel to be runner up in your marriage? Not good, right?

Accept that the wife you knew and loved is now dead to you. The person living in your house who looks like your wife is most definitely your enemy now and is moving behind the lies and deception to get what she wants without regard to you or you kids.

Wake up and start protecting yourself and your kids.

If you really and truly love her, then you want her to be happy. Divorce her and set her free. Quit trying to convince her that you are best for her. Is that not true love?

Sorry again about you situation South. As others have said, your WW is actively screwing the other man while living with you. The other man is also now available for her full time. She has no fear of divorce as she has her new and exciting man on the hook. You'd do well to give up the idea of R. I don't see that happening. Your best move is to contact a lawyer right now and have them email you a divorce packet. Fill it out, make a copy, and present your WW with it. Let her know that you're filing it and want her to review the agreement. If that doesn't wake her up then you know for certain that she was gone months ago. This is scene where you show strength. Don't allow her to see you look weak and don't ever play the pick-me game. Leave that for the other man. I wish the best for you.

Southpaw, what's been going on with you?