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Abbondad (original poster member #37898) posted at 3:36 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
Hi, Everyone,
Our first mediation is tomorrow. It is only for my Orders for Temporary Relief:
-Exclusive rights to and possession of marital home (which she moved out of a year ago but comes and goes as she pleases)
-Fixed time sharing schedule with children (she makes it up on her own week-to-week and frequently changes it)
-Majority time sharing with me
-Spousal support
-Child support
-No contact with affair person (too late)
I expect she will concede none of the above.
We will be in separate rooms. My attorney has already told me if this is clearly the way it is going--impasse after impasse--we will stay the minimum time, two hours, and then we are gone.
Advice?
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 5:23 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
Go in expecting nothing. You will not be disappointed.
Sending strength and peace.
NL
Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 5:26 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
Let your attorney guide you.
Don't back down on the things that are most important to you.
Do not sign anything without making sure the language is detailed and correct.
Good luck!
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
crisp ( member #34236) posted at 7:41 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
I have participated in many mediations. Your attorney probably knows the mediator well. Ask about the mediator and the ground rules. Most of the time the mediator is under orders from the court to report back only limited things--that the mediation took place, who was in attendance and whether there was a settlement.
Generally, discussions and disclosures made in mediation are not admissible in court and cannot be disclosed to the court. Nevertheless, be careful what you say and disclose. Don't make this an opportunity for your STBX to "discover."
Also, mediators usually try to get the parties to settle and do not see their role as trying to get a fair or just deal.
[This message edited by crisp at 1:56 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]
Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 7:52 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
I expect she will concede none of the above.
Then you won't be disappointed. Stick to your guns. Do not disclose evidence. Just your demands. Make sure your lawyer knows ahead of time what your non-negotiable points are. She'll know how to negotiate from there. Just be absolutely clear to her as to what they
BTW Her asking about the meds and appointments is just a way for her to demonstrate that she is trying to co-parent. That is already refuted by her lack of......
Oh hell, you have that documented so many ways from Sunday, that I'm preaching to the choir.
Good luck tomorrow. Sending strength and Mojo, saying a prayer.
Oh, is she pregnant?
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
Abbondad (original poster member #37898) posted at 10:14 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
Thanks to everyone for their advice. I'm feeling pretty calm since I know what will be settled: nothing. Just a big fat cashed check.
Oh, is she pregnant?
I do not know. If she is, I suppose I should introduce her to AAS's equally CSTBXWW. ;-) (Gallows humor.)
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 10:26 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
Sending you good vibes for the mediation tomorrow regardless of the outcome. Your doing great AD!
D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!
Abbondad (original poster member #37898) posted at 3:11 AM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
She is HERE in my home lying with DD in bed. She insisted on trick or treating with the kids and then assured me she would leave.
Instead she came into the home and started putting DD TO BED. I said quietly (fury in me) "I will take care of it."
For a moment she acquiesced and then DD freaked out that Mommy was leaving. So she got back in bed with her and said "I'm staying until she falls asleep." DD latched on to her.
I implored her quietly, "Please leave. Please stop prolonging this for DD."
She said nothing. I went into my bedroom and locked the door.
For all I know she will stay the night.
This fucking ends tomorrow at mediation.
My number one non-negotiable: exclusive possession of and rights to my home. She WILL NEVER pull this fucking shit again.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
Elaine2012 ( member #36099) posted at 3:53 AM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
I hope you get that at the very least! What a piece of work. Sending MOJO ((Dad))
Me- 60 ish
WH-no longer relevant
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 3 SIL, 6 grandchildren
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 4:08 AM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Wow, just wow. Absolutely trying to push your buttons. Probably will attempt to push your buttons one last time tonight before the hearing.
Stay strong brother. Tomorrow is an important day for you. Keep your cool.
Strength for the hearing tomorrow. This can't play out well for her.
ETA content
[This message edited by 5454real at 10:24 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 4:13 AM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
No matter what, do NOT let her into your head, Abbondad. Don't let this absurdity shake you, ok?
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
rainagain ( member #14917) posted at 4:18 AM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Strength for tomorrow and wise thinking - your non -negotiable is the exclusive rights to the time. Add to that keeping the parenting time the same and you should be in a good place. The money part will play out on state guidelines unless your L has told you otherwise.
Prepare yourself to just be in another zone mentally while you're there.
[This message edited by rainagain at 10:18 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]
Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:11 done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love- Marino Me: Divorced
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 1:43 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:55 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Sending you strength this morning, Abbondad. 
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
sudra ( member #30143) posted at 1:57 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Me (BW) (5\64), Him(SAWH) (68)Married 31 years, 1 son (28), 1 stepdaughter (36) DDay #1 January 2004DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)Working on R
thenon-goddess ( member #31229) posted at 1:59 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 2:26 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Sending mediation mojo, stay strong ((((AD & kids))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
openedupmyeyes ( member #27871) posted at 2:52 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Stay strong AD. Good luck today. Expect her to act as she always does.
You will be fine, because you will act as you always have. You are a dad fighting for your family. Even if you have to fight a member of your family. For the family. Understand?
Me:55 BS
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:37
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.
velveteer ( member #30997) posted at 3:31 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Sending you support today AD - hang in there, you're doing great.
crisp ( member #34236) posted at 3:49 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2013
Don't let her get into your head. You already recognized that there will be no agreement reached today. With no agreement, there will be no exclusive use of the home provision. Take a deep breath and focus on the path to your goals.
Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY
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