NoThanksForTheMemories (original poster member #83278) posted at 6:17 AM on Sunday, July 13th, 2025
Has anyone here managed to stay friends with their exWS after divorce? Like actual friends who hang out, go out, text funny things, etc., not just friendly/cordial co-parents?
WS seems to think this is possible. I feel like he is delusional, but maybe I'm wrong? Not saying I could do it even if others can, but I'm wondering if you or anyone you know of has managed to build true friendship after infidelity and divorce?
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov '22. Dday4 Sep '23. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Living separately as of Mar '25.
Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 12:38 PM on Sunday, July 13th, 2025
Not sure how, but yesterday I told SAfWH that we started out as friends and I'd be friends with him after a divorce, since we share decades of life experiences, but that I really want to stop living this lie of a M. I want him to find another place to live, so I wouldn't have to keep going through the painful things he does to my daily life due to his solo orientation. Whenever I say I want to get out of this IHS, he never has an affirmative reply, since it works for him to live in this limbo and discontent. He isn't bothered by the loss of what a M should have been.
I think the answer to your question is that some people can be better as a casual friend than they can be as an intimate partner. In other words, if you don't ask for anything they cannot give you (like keeping a vow!) all will seem to go great. Just don't ask for anything that is outside of their comfort zone.
[This message edited by Superesse at 1:44 PM, Sunday, July 13th]
Copingmybest ( member #78962) posted at 2:55 PM on Sunday, July 13th, 2025
My WW and I have both expressed the desire to not hate each other, because we are sure there will be future events with our kids where we encounter each other. I think she likes the idea of remaining friends, but for me, I'll be social with her, but I have no desire to actually be "friends" with her. The wound is pretty deep and I'd just as noon keep my contact with her to an absolute bare minimum.
