I am now 10 years divorced from my cheating spouse and have long since remarried. Coparenting with a unreconciled, un-rehabilitated, remorseless cheater in a small community has been very challenging. Even with strong language in our MSA regarding triangulation with our children, her character assassinations have been unabated, and in a small town, there’s no escaping it. My Ex, my new wife, and I have very public facing careers.
The attacks range from subtle to outright. From triangulating with our, now young adult kids, to community gossip. The attacks usually ramp up during certain life events between my new wife/life and I. When we got engaged. When we got married. On our honeymoon. When we bought a home. When we got pregnant. When our child was born. Whenever we go on vacation. When we buy a new car. She always has a disparaging comment about anything noteworthy that we do over here.
It has gotten to the point that my wife and I are now very discreet about what we share publicly. No social media. No sharing vacation details or pictures with my three older kids. We’re very discreet about our finances. We’re discreet about anything that might trigger the Ex, and this is just a ridiculous way to live.
My two older kids are unaffected by my Ex’s remarks, as they were old enough to remember that I was a good father and husband, and that their Mother’s affair was a bizarre blindside to the whole family. They don’t tolerate their Mother denigrating me or my wife and will walk out of the room. My youngest daughter however, was too young to remember much about our pre-affair life, marriage, family and is much more easily influenced by her Mother’s relentless propaganda campaign.
I always try and hold the moral and mature high ground with humility. I never disrespect my kid’s Mother. When my kids are complaining about their Mother, I listen, but I keep a civil and neutral tone and don’t contribute in any way that might become detrimental to their wellbeing or disrespectful to their Mother.
My now wife found and questioned a letter written by my ExWW soon after D-Day that I have been safe keeping. The 4-page letter was a desperate proposal for a chance at Reconciliation. She detailed how the affair was not a result of unmet needs, not the result of a bad marriage, and not because she was unhappy with me, but because she was unhappy with herself, because of longstanding deeply seated insecurities that she had been struggling with her whole life. She went on to promise that she would follow through with comprehensive IC to make herself a safe partner again.
I have kept this letter because progressively over time she has completely changed the narrative at my personal expense and at the expense of my relationship with my younger daughter from that marriage. This letter contradicts everything my ExWW has been trying to sell lately. Things like minimizing the affair, me giving up too easily, me using the affair as an excuse to "run off with a younger woman", and her since revised reasons for cheating.
I don’t know what I’m going to do with this letter, when, or if, I’ll ever give it to my older kids of that marriage to set the story straight. My now wife thinks I should just get rid of it.
[This message edited by RealityBlows at 8:31 PM, Friday, October 24th]
