If I had a dime for every time I’ve read or heard someone say, "I will never fully trust my spouse again," I’d be rich!!! I fully trusted my H before his infidelity—like, truly full, no-questions-asked trust. And not just him. I trusted people in general without thinking twice.
I have seen many BS’s struggle with this: so many people feel sad that they won’t ever be able to fully trust their spouse again. And while I understand why that feels like a loss, I’ve also come to believe that no one should ever "fully" trust another human being in the first place.
I used to be the person who would say, "My H would never hurt me. I trust him with all my heart, and I never have to worry about him making choices that could affect me." Looking back, I just shake my head at how naive and uneducated I was about human behaviour and relationships. Now, when I hear someone else say those words, a part of me dies inside. I genuinely hope it’s true for them—but I also know there are no guarantees. No one gets that kind of certainty. And no one is exempt because they have the "model" spouse.
Full trust—blind trust—isn’t noble, it’s risky. It sets you up for a level of heartbreak that isn’t survivable without major fallout. It creates this illusion that someone else is responsible for your emotional safety, when at the end of the day, people are human. They’re flawed, they make bad choices, they have weak moments. Believing someone could never hurt you doesn’t protect you. It just blindsides you when they do.
So yes, I will never "fully" trust my H again. I won’t fully trust anyone again. But that doesn’t mean I’m closed off or walking around suspicious of everyone. I do trust him now. And I trust other people in my life. I just don’t hand out that blind, unconditional trust anymore—and honestly, I feel that’s healthier. It’s not bitterness; it’s boundaries. It’s understanding the difference between realistic trust and the kind of trust that leaves you exposed.
I’m no longer sad about that shift. I’m more aware. And I think that’s a better place to be.
