Hi, this is my first time posting. I am 27 and have recently found out my partner of 11 years has been paying for cam girls, messaging escorts and meeting them (he swears he hasn’t actually gone through with meeting them but i don’t believe that) we have been together since i was 16 and i don’t know a life without him.
Rewind to last year, i went away with my family for a short break. He told me he was playing golf even though it was dark out. I thought it was strange so i looked at his location. I don’t think he must of realised i had it at that time. I can see he is at an address for about an hour. I knew in my gut there was something weird about that. So whenever i’d go away i would look at it, and of course he went to the same place a few times and would never mention it the next day when i asked what he did. One day i snooped on his phone, (the day after one of these times) i found messages to a random number saying ‘are you ready’ and ‘i’m downstairs’ i confronted him and he told me it was just a ‘happy ending massage’ Obviously i was disgusted and distraught and he swears he wouldn’t ever do anything like that again. i didn’t tell him about the location at this point, as i wanted to see if he would do it again.
A few days ago i went on his phone and saw screen recordings of camgirls with the same profile commenting on there. I went on the website and guessed his password. I saw he has been paying for these camgirls for over a year and spent hundreds on them. The worst thing is many messages to escorts asking for in calls.
When confronted after seeing these messages on the website, I asked him about the time he said he went for the massage, he said that was a lie and he never really went to it he just didn’t know how else to explain the messages. I said that can’t be true as i have evidence you have been a few times to the same address as i used to have your location. Only then he admits he did go but swears he only went once. I then said no, i know you’ve been a few times as i had your location for a few months and i can see you’ve been a few times. He then admits he did actually go a few times but it was only a happy ending massage.
Obviously i don’t believe any of this due to the amount of times he’s given me trickle truth.
I haven’t got the strength to see him upset and he knows that. I said i need space but then he will have a full on mental breakdown and then for some reason i feel bad. I feel like he is using my kindness as weakness and also he is saying he has a porn addiction. It does appear he does but it also feels like a slap in the face. As he has only admitted things when found out, I’m devastated and don’t know what to do. He swears he is going to change and get therapy, give me access to his bank accounts and location, but i don’t know how i will get past it. We have grown up together and i don’t know what my life looks like without him. Is there a chance it could work or will it eat away at me?
Any advice would be appreciated, sorry if i have included too much detail here. Thank you to anyone who replies to me i really appreciate it ❤️
