SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

First time poster here. Not sure if this is the correct forum to use or not.

Today is one month from DDay of my confession to my H that I had an affair a year ago. As always, there have been ups and downs since then. There was hysterical bonding, a night of complete anger and hurtful words towards me, and normal, civil conversations between us. We have also been going to family events together due to the holidays.

I absolutely am dedicated to reconciling. Whether we reconcile or not, I have started IC and reading suggested materials, as well as journaling and looking at infidelity forums. My H has been back and forth on whether or not to reconcile. There have been moments where he says he can see him loving me again, that he wants to divorce (told me he hasn’t taken the steps for this), and that he wants to stay for the kids.

I told him I am understanding that this whole situation must be so confusing and painful for him. That I will be patient and give space when possible (our daughter is young and we have one on the way, coming very soon).

Of course I am hopeful to stay together, to work on our marriage. My question is what else can I be doing in these early stages of the unknown moving forward? I am doing my best to no longer be selfish, but have realized and admitted I still am even now. Have common is it for BS to be back and forth on this?

Thank you everyone.

go to the "Library" hear and read the stuff listed.

go to "Just found out" and read the pinned posts @ top of page.

Write out a detailed and also a limited details timeline(s) - he can choose which (Both?) to read or not.

After writing you may remember more stuff and you can annotate - the idea is not a word of Trickle Truth. (TT)

It's a soul killer for the betrayed.

No LIES. NOR LIES by omission. (annotate if you forgot at the time)

Do some reading on EMPATHY. A large number of CHEATERS have NO IDEA how much hurt that they have foisted on their spouse.

Know that your relationship is now and forever changed. How much, what ways, myriad possibilities.

There are some threads here of cheaters that eventually lost their spouse after/during trying everything they could to save the marriage (or relationship.)

And some threads of the cheater never giving up after they realized (and grew up) what true marriage is and managed to win back their spouse.

Look up "members" and search for Walloped, SpaceGhost0007, MrsSouthAfrica. One that is really a sorrowful story and a "waste" of a (what was) a good marriage. Look up waitedwaytoolong.

This time of year traffic here will be less than usual. Weekends tend to be more quiet also.

Suggest you add a short synopsis to your profile on what you did that has brought you here.

Wishing you luck and hoping you are really remorseful. look up what that means and how it looks/seems/feels to the betrayed -

Hurtful words towards you. Imagine that.

Have your children dna tested. Especially the new one.

You may know they’re his. He doesn’t.

Best wishes.

After you’ve written out a timeline set up a polygraph to verify. Ask your BH to work with the examiner so he’ll be comfortable with the process. Do a side gig, pick up extra shifts or sell something to pay for it. No marital funds.